NWA-TNA PPV #1 (19/06/2002)

Impact kindly put this up on their YouTube channel for free, and it's a really interesting watch with the benefit of 16 years of hindsight. The majority of the in-ring stuff is decent, but there's a lot of time given to some right old shit - needless concert by a terrible country singer, long preview for the Miss TNA match the following week, in ring interview with two racing drivers - just unappealing stuff. There's enough good in ring stuff that I'd probably have bought the second show if I'd had access at the time, but only just.

AJ Styles, Low Ki & Jerry Lynn vs The Flying Elvises (Jimmy Yang, Jorge Estrada & Sonny Siaki)

Fun little spot fest to kick off the promotion, which also sets up the following week, where Styles, Ki and Lynn are all in the mix to win the first ever X Division title. The Elvises attack to start, but get sent out to the floor, where Lynn and Ki follow them with a pair of nice dives. Thought Estrada looked great here, made the most of his ring time with a nice springboard moonsault and a really nice running shooting star. He also lets Ki basically kick his head off. Everyone gets a few nice spots as it all breaks down, and in the melee Low Ki accidentally kicks AJ in the head with a cartwheel kick, allowing Yang to nail Yang Time for the shock win. Decent enough opener.

Teo vs Hollywood

I went into this with low expectations, as US midget matches are rarely good, and they instantly blow a tilt-a-whirl headscissors in the first move of the match. Hollywood hits a decent top rope splash for a two count, but this is sloppy stuff. Teo hits an ugly twisting swanton to win.

The Johnsons vs Psychosis & James Storm

This is pretty infamous, because of the Johnson’s terrible gimmick. Make no bones about it, the idea of wrestling penises is dreadful and nothing about the execution makes it any better, but the match itself is fine for the sub 5 minutes it runs. Of course, putting the identical Shane Twins into masks is a total waste of their main appeal, but they looks good here. Lovely butterfly suplexes by both and a big flapjack on Psychosis. Storm is totally out to impress here, hitting a nice missile dropkick and even popping a rana from nowhere near the end. Psychosis, who is the most natural talent in the match, has the least impact here, but does get a nice facebuster reversal from being powerbombed. The Johnson’s win with a shitty TKO after manager Mortimer Plumtree interferes.

Christian York & Joey Matthews vs The Dupps (Bo Dupp & Stan Dupp)

The Dupps are joined by valet Fluff Dupp. This is again extremely short, but what there was came over fine. Bo Dupp in particular seemed really good. He hits some stiff slaps on Matthews, hits a big boot and gets huge height on a splash. York nails a nice full weight senton for two, but after a clumsy tornado DDT, he gets crotched by Fluff and rolled up by Bo for the loss. This was too short, but like the previous match you got the vibe that a terrible gimmick is holding back a decent heel team.

Gauntlet for the Gold

This is a twenty man royal rumble, with the last two entrants ending up in a singles match for the NWA title. Credit to TNA, they tried to build up the younger, cheaper talent here, letting them shine. Malice makes the final two, eliminating half the field in the process. Apollo gets the iron man run in the match, whilst Justice (the baby Abyss) and Chris Harris both get good runs. Jeff Jarrett start the match, seeing off Buff Bagwell, Lash LeRoux and Norman Smiley right away. However, his elimination eventually comes at the hands of dreadful country singer Toby Keith, who makes an unwelcome cameo. Other notable entrants include Del Rios (the former Phantasio) who comes in dressed as an egregious Scott Steiner rip off, and both Konnan and Rick Steiner who both get huge pops. We eventually get down to a final pairing of Ken Shamrock and Malice, leaving us with…

Ken Shamrock vs Malice

Ricky Steamboat is the guest ref for this. Malice dominates early, looking pretty good in the process, before Shamrock reverses a chokeslam into an armbar in a nice counter. Malice makes the ropes, before Shamrock locks in the anklelock. Shamrock is pretty heelish here, dragging Malice back to the middle of the ring when he’s made the ropes, then not letting go after he makes the ropes again, forcing Steamboat to get to a count of 7 before breaking. Malice tries another chokeslam, but Shamrock reverses to a belly-to-belly suplex for the win. The whole deal was pretty fun, and the final two match-up was fine.

3PW United We Stand, Divided We Brawl

Lovefilm obviously felt that it was too long since I reviewed any 3PW shows, so decided to send me one as my latest rental. Thanks guys (I think)

CJ O’Doyle vs Rob Eckos

Not really much to this, good or bad. It’s just perfectly ok wrestling. O’Doyle has a nice looking powerslam and Eckos’ superkick looked good enough to have won the match (though it only got 2). I enjoyed Eckos’ character work, posing after hitting an Alpine Line, then realising he could pin O’Doyle and rushing to try and get the pinfall. The end sees O’Doyle hit this clothesline that the commentary team have been hyping up (it’s just a clothesline), which only gets two, before Eckos hits a sloppy Alpine Line from the second rope for the pin.

Jack Victory vs Rockin’ Rebel

This was rubbish. As usual in 3PW, Rebel seems to get paired with someone so bad that the Rebel is the worker of the match. Both guys are working heel here too, and for some reason end up trying to double team the ref, only to both eat a double clothesline. This doesn’t earn a DQ however, and the bout continues with Victory not actually being able to Irish whip his opponent properly! How is that possible? Rebel tries a pin with his feet on the rope, but gets caught by the ref. Victory tries the same, and gets the three count. Afterwards, both guys beat up the ref. Just terrible.

Gary Wolfe vs Damian Adams

Apparently, this was set up Wolfe assaulted Adams, who had beaten him in a previous match. This explains why Adams attacks Wolfe as soon as he hits the ring, working a sustained assault, until a single Wolfe clothesline seems to basically kill him. Like, Wolfe picks him up for a suplex, and Adams is barely on his feet, arm dangling dead by his side. Believe me, the clotheslines certainly didn’t look that impressive. Adams is able to come back with a nice dive to the floor, before Wolfe hits 2 powerbombs in the ring (before the second powerbomb, the commentary team seem aghast that Wolfe is going to try a second powerbomb. “This is inhumane” is uttered, right before Adams kicks out on 2). A Burning Hammer gets the win, and the whole thing is less than four minutes long. Really odd booking, as Adams looked like a chump, despite apparently winning the last match.

There’s another match on the DVD listing, which is supposed to be a bra and panties match between Jasmin St Claire and Gorgeous George, which is basically just them stripping, kissing and spanking Velvet Sky over Tod Gordon’s knee. I’m just glad my fiancée didn’t come in while in was watching this nonsense. Moving swiftly on…

Low Ki vs Ruckus vs Joey Matthews

This is elimination rules, and that actually makes this a really enjoyable bout. The reason being, Joey Matthews wisely stays outside and allows Ruckus and Low Ki to wrestle, only entering when Low Ki has beaten Ruckus, essentially giving us two Low Ki singles bouts instead of the usual three-way nonsense.

Ki/Ruckus, in this situation, is like an appetiser, and is pretty fun in that respect. I enjoyed their little section on the mat, where Ruckus was surprisingly competent, and whilst both guys had some fun offense, Ki’s stuff just looked nastier, finishing Ruckus off with the Tidal Crush and a Ki Krusher.

Ki/Matthews was really good stuff, loved Matthews using the ref to block a Tidal Crush and poking Ki in the eye over the ref’s shoulder. Matthew’s offense is a bit nastier than Ruckus’, and Ki misses a corner charge to give Matthews a focal point to work on. Matthews may not be flashy, but you can tell he’s got a brain for wrestling, everything looks professional and shows no sign of breaking down. You can see why WWE would want him as the anchor for the MNM team. He also isn’t scared of Ki’s blows, taking a big kick right to the jaw. Ki’s rolling kick in the corner looks vicious, and I loved the fluidity of Matthews trying a reverse suplex and Ki quickly countering with a Dragon Clutch. Ki goes for the Ki Krusher, but his shoulder can’t support the weight, and Matthews reverses to a small package for the win. Loved this whole deal.

Monsta Mack & Mike Kruel vs Roadkill & the Blue Meanie

Thought Kruel looked excellent in this match, easily the standout. He schools Meanie on the mat, working a series of holds that actually made “Blue Meanie matwork” seem ok. The heels work a decent enough heat on Meanie, and I loved Mack standing in the middle of the ring, smugly posing to draw in Roadkill, whilst Kruel choked Meanie in the corner behind him. Kruel works over Meanie’s back, with some nasty kneedrops and painful looking forearms. Meanie’s comeback is pretty unexciting, as it consists of him in a Mack sleeper that he just casually escapes from and reverses. Roadkill doesn’t display a single emotion in this bout, even when a tag is disallowed because the ref didn’t see it. He’s equally inexpressive in the terrible finishing run – Roadkill brings out a chain, gets it taken away by the ref, so instead whips out a sock for a mandible claw. As the ref removes this, Mack clocks Roadkill with a chair. Hilariously, the ref definitely sees the chair in his hand, turning around to find Roadkill knocked out in the middle of the ring and Mack still holding a chair. Despite this, he seems happy enough to count the three. Sigh….at least Kruel was decent.

Matt Striker vs Jimmy Snuka

Striker comes out doing an excellent impression of Roddy Piper, you can tell he’s loving himself out there. Striker blindsides Snuka, and hits some weak offence, but gets caught with a REALLY soft backbreaker that puts him down for about 30 seconds and unable to avoid the Superfly Splash. This made Snuka’s 1993 ECW matches look like Iron Man matches.

Sabu vs Jerry Lynn

Sometimes, you just have to accept things aren’t for you. This was very much a case of two aging pros giving the crowd what they want, it just happens to be that I don’t enjoy what they like. Sabu injures his leg early on, which gets briefly worked over by Lynn, but has no impact on the rest of the match. This was really a bunch of spots loosely welded together. Some of those spots were pretty spectacular (Lynn hurling Sabu into rows of chairs and then diving in himself with a big crossbody was nuts) and some were pretty fun (Lynn getting up as Sabu tried the triple jump moonsault, causing Sabu to fall face-first into the chair). But there were no transitions to comebacks, no real sustained selling…just no glue to really hold it all together. As I said, the crowd loved it, so it did what it was supposed to. There’s one terrible spot right at the end, where Sabu is supposed to rana Lynn off the top through a table, but what actually happened is Sabu backflipped off, then a second or two passed before Lynn frontflipped himself onto a table, which didn’t break. A top rope Sabu legdrop got the job done.

Raven & the Sandman vs John Zandig & the Wifebeater

This….this was an utter mess. The basic gist is that 3PW commissioner Raven hates Sandman, taking away his Metallica entrance, his beer and smokes, but still orders him to be his tag partner for this bout. Seems like a partner you can rely on. Raven then accepts it when Zandig asks for a stipulation that he be put in charge if his team wins. For a supreme thinker, this seems like an idiotic request to accept.

So anyway, the bout starts with Sandman and Wifebeater working armdrag and hip toss exchanges. This lasts maybe a minute, before we get a punch-walk section, where they head to the balcony and the Raven/Sandman team throw Wifebeater off the balcony through a table. They return to Zandig, who’s somehow bleeding from the head and work a mild heat on him. After a while, Wifebeater returns and waits on the apron patiently to make a tag. Seems to me like the rules went out of the window when you got slammed off a balcony, mate. He gets in and works over Sandman…then somehow we end up with Sandman playing face-in-peril and Raven coming in as the fired up hot tag. The fuck is going on? Raven bulldogs Zandig through a table, but Sandman decides it’s time to DDT his partner and give the CZW boys the win. This is so Zandig can give him back his beer, fags and Metallica music….only the DVD doesn’t have the licensing for that, so we get a pissy muzak version of Enter Sandman dubbed in for 5 seconds, then the DVD abruptly goes to the credits. It wasn’t boring, I must admit, but certainly not what I would call “good” either.

3PW Broadcast From Hell

Historically, I've not enjoyed the 3PW shows I've reviewed over the past few years, but when Lovefilm sent another one through my door, I felt it would be unfair not to give it a go. The result? This is easily the best 3PW show I've seen yet. Not amazing, but pretty solid on the whole

Josh Daniels vs Damian Adams

The commentary team hype up the friendship between the two at the start of the match, and they have a nice even little sequence at the start, where Daniels has a slight advantage. Adams responds by slapping Daniels across the face to give a nice little heel/face divide. Adams hits a lovely Alabama Slam out of the corner, getting real snap on it. Daniels is able to fire back with a great German suplex that dumps Adams on his head. I was also pretty impressed with the commentary team, covering for an Adams superkick that only reaches the chest by pointing out how that would drive the air from your lungs. Adams crotches Daniels on the top rope, but a top rope rana is reversed to a huge powerbomb to give Daniels the win. Fun bout.

Da Hit Squad vs Roadkill & the Blue Meanie

Kinda hoping the three decent guys in this match are able to carry the Meanie. It’s really hard to buy the wimpy punches of the Meanie doing any damage to Monsta Mack and Dan Maff. There’s a fun face-off between Roadkill and Mack that culminates in a nice Mack powerslam. I dug Hit Squad using fun fat guy offence, hurling themselves into Roadkill from many angles. It does feel like Da Hit Squad are slowing down a lot of their offence to allow their opponents to keep up. Maff takes a horrible bump for a Roadkill TKO, landing on his feet and leaping about a foot in the air. Roadkill goes to the top like an idiot, despite Maff being right new to him, so he gets taken out, allowing Da Hit Squad to hit a figure-four/frog splash combo for the win. Had decent spells, but too many poor bits.

Homicide vs Xavier

Basic mat stuff to start until Homicide suddenly goes into overdrive, nailing a massive tope, the cutter, a Yakuza kick and a big Northern Lights suplex within a few minutes. He’s in total control, until he hurts his back, and Xavier wisely zeroes in on it. Love the spear to the back by Xavier, which looks great. He follows this up with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. There’s an awkward reversals series stemming from a sunset flip, but this is generally pretty solid. Loved Xavier bending Homicide almost in half with a Mexican surfboard. Homicide goes for the Cop Killer, but his back is too hurt to lift him, and Xavier hits a backstabber and a Camel Clutch to retain control. I loved the way that Homicide regains control as they head to the outside, as he’s portrayed as being in his element in a streetfighting environment. He hurls Xavier into the railings and nails him with chairshots. We do head into moves overkill at the end of the match, as they really bust out far too much, with powerbombs and 450 splashes before Homicide is finally able to hit the Cop Killer for the win. Enjoyed this more than I expected, was impressed with some logical storytelling and great selling by Homicide.

Balls Mahoney vs NOSAWA

Feels odd to say, but I dug some of Mahoney’s early matwork, especially hitting some vicious crossfaces when he’s got NOSAWA in an STF. We don’t get enough of this, sadly, as they fight outside, using a pizza cutter on each other’s foreheads to prompt profuse bleeding. This bit is also extremely uninteresting. NOSAWA does hit a lovely kick to the face, but a Shining Wizard is blocked with a lowblow. The Nutcracker Suite only gets two for Balls, but he gets to hit a second version off the apron through a table to win. Really, they wasted a great opening to have a pretty dull hardcore match, which reached it’s nadir with the pizza cutter segment.

Gary Wolfe vs Joey Matthews

3PW seemed dedicated with making Gary Wolfe into a star, and it never seemed to work. Probably something to do with him being terrible. Here, he’s defending the title against Matthews, who is accompanied by Matt Striker and Rob Eckos, the future Robbie E. Matthews does a lot of stalling to start, and Wolfe hits him with a chair a lot, even stealing Raven’s drop toehold spot. Wolfe doesn’t give Matthews much, putting him through a table with an elbow drop from the apron. Matthew isn’t able to get any form of control until Striker provides a distraction, and even this control is temporary as Matthews accidentally puts Striker through a table and eats a DVD for the Wolfe win. Pretty terrible.

AJ Styles vs Kid Kash

While some of the prior matches have been better than expected, it’s when you see how good someone like AJ is that you know why he’s still a big star 12 years later. He looks so crisp here, hitting a lovely superkick over the safety rail, and there’s a great looking rana-Styles Clash attempt-rana sequence near the start. Everything Styles does looks crisp, and it has to be pointed out that Kash does his best to match him throughout. Styles hits a nasty looking brainbuster, and I appreciate him really locking in his pinfall attempts. Kash only gets two from the Money Maker, and his attempt to put AJ away with a top rope rana sees Styles reverse to a super Styles Clash for the win. Really enjoyed this.

Jerry Lawler vs Terry Funk

With this taking place in Philly, WWE employee Lawler is very much the heel against ECW alumnus Funk. Lawler looks in better shape than Funk, leaner and steadier on his feet, so he’s able to get heat on Funk by beating him down with a series of crisp punches, each one breaking Funk down a little more until he’s bleeding on the mat. Funk sells them beautifully too, invoking sympathy with his slightly-dazed selling as Lawler taunts and jabs away at him. Lawler hits the second rope fistdrop on a convulsing Funk, who instantly stops moving like cattle shot with a bolt gun. Beautiful. Funk makes a comeback with a crowd-popping low blow, then legdrops King through a table. Lawler is still too strong, however, and regains control to hit a piledriver for two. We do get a bit of overkill here, as another piledriver also gets two, before Lawler hits a third outside on the concrete. Lawler does some great trolling by introducing “a move a friend from the WWE taught me”, before hitting a poor stunner for two. The portrayal of Funk as superhuman does start getting a bit ridiculous, especially as a FOURTH piledriver through a table only gets two, but Lawler does such a good job of riling up the crowd that you don’t notice. Funk gets the win with a roll-up, ending a terrific match.

Ron Killings vs Kid Kash

This is a bonus match on the DVD which is taken from another show, and like the last 3PW show I reviewed, Killings is a lot of fun as a showboating heel. Love him hitting a big slam and doing a muscle pose. His overconfidence doesn’t pay off and he crotches himself on the top rope after a failed axe kick. Kash hits a great flip dive, but things swiftly go down the pan as they take a contrived “walk-while-we-hit-each-other-occasionally” stroll to the balcony. Killings hits a big powerbomb off the balcony through some tables, and they then decide to brawl back to the ring. That segment really ruined the flow of the match, and it doesn’t really recover, despite Killings flashy personality riling up the crowd. Kash makes a few nice comebacks, but Killings hits a gourdbuster for the win. Bit of a missed opportunity.

3PW A Night For The Flyboy

Readers of this blog will notice that I'm generally quite positive about pro-wrestling, and am more likely to give a good review than a bad. The reason for this is simple: I love wrestling, to the extent that even stuff that isn't great per se will still have some merit to me. With this in mind, it's very rare I'm hyper critical of a show, but last October's review of 3PW's Three Men & A Bodybag show was one of those times, just a meandering mess of bad wrestling, terrible booking and nonsensical turns. However, my Lovefilm account means that I don't really have to pay for these shows, and I'm going to continue to watch them in the belief that some gold might shine out amongst the shit. This show, a tribute to Ted "Rocco Rock" Petty, has Syxx-Pac vs Ron Killings AND Curt Hennig vs Jerry Lawler, so there must be something good here....right?

Josh Daniels vs Joey Matthews
Matthews heels it up to start, stalling and slapping Daniels in the face. Daniels is a bit lacking in charisma, and is a bit of a Benoit clone. They blow a leapfrog out of the corner, which even on a tribute show earns a "You fucked up" chant. Really lovely top rope clothesline by Matthews. Daniels misses a corner charge, hitting his shoulder in the corner, but is back on offence seconds later, hitting a delayed vertical suplex on Matthews with no notice paid to his arm. Daniels doesn't bother selling the shoulder at all, and seems to be trying to cut off all Matthews' offensive flurries. The match ends with Matthews hitting a reverse DDT following a missed top rope legdrop by Daniels

Rob Eckos vs White Lotus
Eckos is the future Robbie E, whilst Lotus is a balding white guy who claims to be Japanese. Some early comedy sees Eckos trucks pulled down, with a white dildo in his backside. Lovely. Neither guy has convincing looking offence, but Eckos shows some character and moves around the ring nicely. Decent hiptoss into a DDT by Eckos. Conversely, Lotus does a chain of three rolling suplexes but goes from most impressive to least, starting with a T-bone and ending with a normal vertical suplex, not understanding the idea of escalating the impressiveness of the moves. Eckos wins a quick match with a handful of ropes. Neither guy looked great, but if you were asked which one would have a role in a national promotion 10 years later, you'd have correctly picked Eckos from this bout.

Jason vs Del Tsunami
Jason looks in good nick here. Jason pretty much dominates, hitting a few nice suplexes. Tsunami gets very little in terms of offence in, but sells well enough, before Jason finishes with a submission, gravevining the legs with his arms whilst holding Tsunami's body in a leg scissors. Decent enough squash.

Roadkill vs Christian York
York looks a lot less pumped than in his TNA run, very much in part-time wrestler shape. The opening parts to the match are perfectly fine, and I loved Roadkill hitting a dropkick during a York skin-the-cat attempt to send him to the floor. They try some brawling outside the ring, which would look better if York wasn't so unconvincing at it. He looks a lot less slick than he does 10 years later, manging to botch throwing Roadkill out of the ring. His offence just looks a bit soft, which is disappointing, as I remember quite enjoying him in ECW. A few chinlocks throughout the match dont help to build excitement either. Roadkill has looked perfectly fine here, bar one moment where he's getting beaten by York in the corner and casually positions himself on the second rope for no reason other than for York to hit a rana. Roadkill at least comes back with some energy to liven things up. Throughout the match, the commentators have highlighted that Danny Doring isn't in the building whilst Joey Matthews is, so you know that we'll be seeing some interference, and low and behold, Matthews soon comes out. He's soon removed by Roadkill, but we get a blown finish where York superkicks a chair into Roadkill's face for 2, but the bell rings. Roadkill takes it upon himself to save matters by powerbombing Matthews onto York, then nailing a top rope splash for the win. This was inoffensive.

Ron Killings vs Syxx-Pac
Some stalling from current NWA champion Killings starts us off, as he decides to give the crowd a piece of his mind. This isn't too long after Syxx-Pac left the WWE and he looks sharp. I'm convinced fired-up face Waltman is his best incarnation, certainly more endearing than his DX persona. I loved Killings keeping up his war with the crowd, jawing at them whilst choking Pac over the ropes. A nice bump follows, as Killings hiptosses Syxx-Pac over the top rope to the floor. Killings cuts off a comeback as he catches Pac with a dropkick leaping from the top rope but misses a rare 450 as neither man can get a real advantage. This is a pretty short sprint of a match, so the back and forth nature feels fine here. I did fear a shitty ending after Pac hits an X-Factor, as he lies covering Killings, waiting for a count like moron despite having seen Sabu pull the ref from the ring. Luckily, he moves when Sabu tries an Arabian facebuster from the top rope, having set it up so that Killings gets hit, which means the spot makes sense. Syxx-Pac removes Sabu, and picks up an academic 3 count. I enjoyed this a lot, both guys looked really crisp.

The Blue Meanie & Jasmin St Claire vs The Rockin' Rebel & Missy Hyatt
When you've got a tag match and Rebel is the best guy in there, you're in for a painful ordeal. Watching this atrocity, I'm not convinced Jasmin isn't second best. You can clearly see Meanie guiding her through everything, but her offence on the Rebel still manages to look more convincing than that of her partner. Poor Rebel gets double teamed in the early going, as Hyatt just stands on the apron. Rebel is one of those guys you know is a bit shit, but for some reason, I've got a soft spot for the guy, possibly because he'll happily let himself look like a berk in a throwaway comedy match like this. Here, he takes all the token comedy spots - a headbutt to the crotch from a dazed Meanie, then falling into the doggystyle position with Hyatt after they get splashed in the corner (which Missy initially manages to blow by falling out of the corner too early). This match even ends like a crock of shit, Meanie shoving Rebel over a crouching Jasmin, who rolls him up for the win, despite Rebel's foot being clearly in the ropes. Just utter shite. Postmatch, we get an angle, as Tod Gordon turns up with some massive bloke who chokeslams Meanie, allowing Jasmin to turn on him. Aside from the fact that the company owners still have to get their win in before the turn, the angle feels out-of-place on a tribute show.

Curt Hennig vs Jerry Lawler
This should be fun. We get off to a good start as both guys try to one up each other, trading slams before Hennig hits a backdrop and Lawler reverses a second attempt. Neither guy manages to get a clear avantage. Hennig takes a trademark bump as he's punched over the top rope onto table. Lawler plays face here, which is odd given his anti-ECW past. Hennig concentrates on wearing down Lawler, locking in a sleeper then stomping away at him. Lawler comes back with a stunner for two, complete with double middle fingers. Hennig retaliates with a piledriver, but only gets two with a cocky pin. Neither guy is doing anything special, but the execution is noticably better than previous matches on the show. A Lawler second rope fistdrop only gets 2, before Hennig wins in the corner with his feet on the ropes. Breaking all wrestling conventions, without any proof as to the cheating the ref restarts the match. Hennig rightly decks ref, only for Lawler to roll him up, winning with a quick count from the ref. Despite the rubbish ending, this was plenty of fun. Maybe not great, as they never really left first gear, but proof that you can do more with less.

Sabu vs Gary Wolfe
Wolfe gets beaten down pre-match by Tod Gordon and his massive henchman, apparently called Annihilation. Despite this, Wolfe dominates early, though is well out of position for Sabu's rebound clothesline. They brawl outside, with Wolfe throwing some pissweak forearms. More weak brawling follows, before Sabu livens things up with a triple jump dive into the crowd. They wander around the arena a bit more, where Wolfe DDT's Sabu through a table on the stage. We get more tedious wander-wander-punch-wander fighting, before they get back to the ring. Wolfe rolls Sabu into the ring, then immediately throws him back out again, as he's clearly got no ideas on what to do in the match. Gordon and co hits some crap cheap shots outside the ring, which Wolfe totally no-sells. Sabu hits the triple jump moonsault for two. A second attempt is met with a chair, before Wolfe powerbombs Sabu through a table to the floor. This obvious finisher gets two. Inside, a burning hammer also gets two, and this match is really dragging. Having killed two finishers, they try to fill up time with bland offence that exists only to drag this match to "epic", but it's failing miserably. Worst DDT ever is hit by Sabu. It's totally fair to say that a ten-years older Sabu had better matches with Wild Boar and Jimmy Havoc in the UK last month than this, and it's all because those matches, whilst different, had actual structure to them. This is just overlong, drawn out nonsense. Eventually, Sabu sets up Wolfe on a table, which promptly falls over. Bonus points go to the commentators for covering this up by claiming Wolfe saved himself. Bonus points lost by following a trademark Arabian facebuster through the table by saying they'd never seen that before from Sabu. Started badly, and kept on (and on and on...) getting worse.

3PW Three Men & A Bodybag

So, it turns out Lovefilm have a whole plethora of 3PW DVD's available for rent. I never saw any 3PW shows whilst they were a going concern, but I remember reading about their shows when they were one of the bigger Philadelphia indies alongside CZW. Because I will watch almost any wrestling, I decided to give a 3PW show a go. It's not pretty...

Christian York & Joey Matthew vs Dylan Knight & Rapid Fire Maldonado
York and Matthews stall at the start to establish they're heels. Knight looks like a portly version of the singer from My Chemical Romance in binbag trousers, so he needs all the help he can get to win the fans over. An early nice spot sees York thrown outside, before the faces avoid a Matthews charge, which sendshim through the ropes, hitting a tope onto York. York and Matthews are clearly a level ahead of opponents in both work and character, though there is a really awful spot where events lead to York giving his own partner a tombstone, a spot so contrived that it draws boos. I do dig York's range of cocky covers. York and Matthews pick up the win after Matthews grabs Knight's leg as he tried to suplex York into the ring from the apron. Not a good opener.

Robert Pigeon vs John "The Tank" Toland
You may recall Toland as one of the Dicks in the WWE. He's in way better shape than Mr Pigeon here, who looks pale and gaunt in comparison. They start with a series of armdrags, which earns a boring chant. They then work a full-nelson reversal sequence that I alone enjoy. They pick up the pace, with Toland impressively catching Pigeon in midair on a crossbody and chucking him with fallaway salm. As the match goes on, the same boorish pocket of fans continue their "boring" chant, which isn't fair as it's a perfectly decent match. Toland shows off his agility by landing on his feet on a hiptoss attempt. However, Toland misses a moonsault, and Pigeon hits an implant DDT for 3. Perfectly acceptable match with a pocket of dickheads making it less enjoyable to watch.

Chris Hero vs Colt Cabana
Fans don't seem to like Colt much. A series of armbars and counters is a bit better received than in the last match, probably because it's a fair bit better. Hero does his best to heat up the lukewarm crowd with a plancha to the floor. Sitout Soylent Green gets two for Hero. Colt fakes a top rope dive to the floor to taunt the crowd in a funny spot. You can see moments where the match is starting to click into place as it progresses, as if they were initially thrown by the negative crowd. They seem to have won them over at one point until Hero botches a roll-up and the idiots strike up again. In fact, the frustrating thing is how disjointed this match feels, as you get moments of nice, fluid action before things just seem to sputter out. Even the ending is abrupt, with Cabana winning with a top rope moonsault, earning a 3 count that seemed to come too early. Very disappointing

Gary Wolfe vs the Rockin' Rebel
Christ, this isn't the pairing to get match quality up. We've got ourselves a dog-collar match here, though Rebel is wearing some plaid as he thought it was a lumberjack match. Wolfe attacks the Rebel to put the collar on him after RR initially refuses. Rebel tries to leave, obviously forgetting about the collar round his neck, so Wolfe dominates him outside the ring. Wolfe sets up a chair for a Raven-esque droptoehold, but Rebel manages to miss it somehow, going face first to the mat. The odd thing is, this is actually kinda fun. Clearly both guys know their limitations so just go for some old fashioned brawling. However, the match ends pretty abruptly. Rebel goes to splash Wolfe through a table, only for Rapid Fire Malondado to interfere on Wolfe's behalf for reasons unknown. Wolfe then tries twice to put Rebel through a table twice, failing to break it both times before covering for the win. Despite the random interference, this is (gulp) match of the night so far, if only by default.

Billy Wiles vs the Blue Meanie
Bloody Hell! One fan in the crowd HATES Billy Wiles and spends almost all match yelling about how fat he is. They work two comedy criss-cross spots before Meanie hits the milkiest punches in the corner I've ever seen. I actually thought they were comedy punches, but no, they were just shit. Billy making sexy eyes at Jasmin St Claire at ringside might be the most entertaining thing about this match. Seriously, Meanie seems to pause before every move as if he's trying to remember how to do it. The ending (which can't come soon enough) sees Jasmin leap on the apron as Wiles takes control. Wiles drags her into the ring, then uses her as a shield as he sees Meanie recover. However, Jasmin lowblows him and stunners him right in front of the ref before Meanie hits a moonsault to win. Just garbage.

Jasmin St Claire vs Candi
This is billed on the DVD as a separate match, in fact as an evening gown match. What actually happens is Candi runs in straight after the Wiles/Meanie match to attack Jasmin (which is odd, as she was a valet for the face team in the opener). Meanie grabs her and rips her dress off (what a face!) and then Dylan Knight comes in to attack Meanie and strip Jasmin. I can feel myself getting dumber just watching this.

Public Enemy vs Christian York & Joey Matthews
Seemingly, Y&M's punishment for being the best workers on the card is that they have to pull double duty tonight. No other explanation is given. They're so brilliantly obnoxious here that you really want to see them get beaten. York in particular is especially douchey here. Fair dues to the PE here, as they seem to be trying their best to keep up with Y&M, with Rock especially putting forth a good effort. Plus, there is something purely enjoyable about watching two obnoxious jerks mocking their opponents, only to get driven to the ground by an enormous Johnny Grunge. Y&M run away, but get dragged back to ringside by a random huge man and an arena-wide brawl ensues. To be honest, I find these kind of walk-your-opponent-to-the-next-spot brawl interminably dull, but compared to the matches beforehand, it's almost refreshing, and watching big Grunge put York through a table with an elbow from a balcony...I even cheered a little. Also, because Rock is willing to bump for a lot of Y&M offence, you get the dynamic of the big veterans beating the tar out of the cocky young punks without the risk of Y&M looking bad. Back in the ring, Y&M get a bit more offence, before the PE nail the South Philly Drive-By for the win. Was this great? No. Good? Nearly. Did I enjoy it? Yes

The Sandman vs New Jack vs Sabu
This is a bodybag match with Tod Gordon as special guest referee. The match opens with New Jack attacking his opponents with staplers and forks. Then Sandman and Sabu attack each other and New Jack with staplers and forks. Great. It isn't until Sandman droptoeholds Sabu into a ladder that something interesting happens. He then suplexes Sabu onto the ladder, but New Jack comes back with that fucking stapler. Honestly, the two things I find most boring in hardcore matches is stapler spots and "grinding-a-weapon-into-a-forehead" spots and this has them in abundance. Literally 80% of New Jack's offence is stapler-related, though I do laugh when he suplexes the Sandman and proudly announces "I know a wrestling move". Jack ties Sandman to the top rope by his neck before....bringing out the fucking stapler again. It's like a bad joke at this point. Sabu puts Jack down with a chair and a chair-legdrop before putting him in a bodybag to eliminate him....at least until Jack cuts himself free with a massive blade and gets right back into the match. Sigh. Sabu knocks New Jack out with his stapler (oh cruel hand of irony) and now Jack is gone for good. Bill Alfonso comes to the ring and turns on Sabu by throwing a chair at his head. However, Gordon then gets a cane and starts wailing away on Sandman. Gordon then beats up Alfonso and my brain feels like it's dying. Sabu puts Sandman through a table...and Gordon ushers him to the back. No bodybag, nothing. What a total whack of shit.

Officially the worst show I've review for the blog. A crowning achievement for 3PW

ECW December To Dismember 2006

So, for just £3 second-hand, I got the pay-per view that killed the ECW PPV dream for good. Is it as bad as people claim?

The Hardy Boys vs MNM

Well, at least they went for a hot opener. Both teams are reforming for “one night only” here, though they’d open the Rumble the following month. The match sees the Hardys dominate at first, until some Melina interference gives MNM an opening. They work over Matt with a nice series of double teams, and even get Melina to give him a headscissors on the apron. Matt goes for the hot tag after reversing a double suplex into a double neckbreaker, but MNM attack Jeff on the apron to prevent the tag. I loved the way that the heels cockily imitate the Hardys by hitting Poetry In Motion and attempting the Twist of Fate/Swanton combo. However, this backfires when Matt blocks the TOF and gets the hot tag to Jeff. We get treated to a nice dive sequence, the highlight of which is Nitro hurling himself with reckless abandon over the top rope. The Hardys got for the TOF/Swanton combo, but Nitro pulls Mercury out of harms way, and Jeff is soon the face-in-peril. MNM use some strong plays from the heel handbook, using blind tags and assaults on Matt to keep their control over Jeff. Melina even responds viciously to “crackwhore” chants by punting Jeff in the ribs. Jeff makes the hot tag and all Hell breaks loose. Even Melina takes one for the team, getting accidentally dropkicked off the apron by Nitro. MNM hit the Snapshot for two,

Matt Striker vs Balls Mahoney

Striker promises to make this an Extreme Rules match...”an Extreme enforcement of the rules”. Brilliant. Striker has a picture of his face on the seat of his trunks and we’re treated to way too many close-ups of this. Balls locks Striker in a cross-armbreaker early to show he can go on the mat with him, so Striker resorts to a cheap shot, before Balls hits the ringpost on a shoulder-charge. Striker does a pretty good job working over the arm with some fun offence, including a pretty swank roll-through into a Fujiwara armbar. Honestly, this is a pretty decent match, with Balls doing a good selling job and Striker perfectly fine as a smarmy heel. Balls hits some powermoves using only his good arm, before hitting a sitout spinebuster for 3. Enjoyed this a lot.

Elijah Burke & Sylvester Terkay vs the FBI

This is pretty much a squash match, though the FBI do get to briefly look good. The main aim is to get Terkay over as a monster, which he does by manhandling the FBI, throwing Guido over the top rope onto Mamaluke. The FBI try to use their speed advantage, downing Terkay by dropkicking his legs, but Burke hits the Stroke on Mamaluke for an easy win.

Daivari vs Tommy Dreamer

Like the most disappointing Heat main event ever. Daivari bumps about for Dreamer early doors, especially when taking a throw to the barricades. Khali interferes to help, but gets caught by the ref and thrown out. Daivari cranks up the crowd with a lengthy chinlock, then a second when Dreamer breaks free. Dreamer fights back again, but Daivari blocks the DDT and rolls him up for 3. Not a PPV encounter.

 

Mike Knox & Kelly Kelly vs Kevin Thorn & Ariel

This actually starts off pretty well, with Knox and Thorn just wailing on each other. The crowd is dead, despite both men nailing awesome clotheslines. Knox makes a mistake by chinlocking Thorn however, as this kills the crowd even more. At least with the lengthy Daivari chinlocks you could argue that it encouraged fans to cheer for Dreamer. This is a heel v heel encounter. The girls get tagged in and somehow this gets even worse, as Kelly is at her dirt worst here. Ariel dominates, but Kelly fires back and goes for the hot-tag, only for Knox to leave her to her fate. Ariel uses some choke-STO to win. Pretty horrible.

 

The Big Show vs Test vs CM Punk vs Hardcore Holly vs Rob Van Dam vs Bobby Lashley

This is an extreme elimination chamber match for the ECW title. The “extreme” comes from the fact that there are weapons inside the pods. I should highlight here how big Test was at this point. The man looks like a fucking tank. I should also highlight this match is terrible. There are so many factors stopping it from being good. I’m not even talking about the decision to replace the advertised Sabu (who incidentally is still on the DVD case) with Hardcore Holly, as I would rather watch Holly at this time. It’s just horribly booked with massive logic gaps. For instance, the heel trio of Show, Test and Holly are quite clearly in cahoots. They applaud each other when they enter the ring and all three are henchmen of Paul Heyman. Logically, therefore, you’d assume the faces would also try and collaborate. You’d be wrong. When Punk is released from his pod to join RVD and Holly, he goes pretty much directly after Van Dam. Even when Test gets in and starts choking RVD with a crowbar, Punk and RVD seem to get paired off. This eventually leads to RVD hitting the Five Star on Punk to eliminate him. This leaves him with Test and Holly. Luckily for RVD, Test turns on Holly and boots him in the head to eliminate him (and they manage to blow this pinfall, with the ref only counting two, but Holly still leaving anyway). But there is no way RVD could have predicted that, he was instead happily leaving himself open to a 2-on-1 situation.

The next problem is that the match is clearly booked to get Lashley over. However, the fans simply don’t want that. So when Test pins RVD following an awesome elbow from the top of a pod onto RVD’s chair-coated face, the fans are left with three men (Test, Show, Lashley) they don’t really like. Even more stupid, Test pins RVD with time to spare before Lashley is released, leaving 30 seconds of deadtime. This gets even longer as Heyman’s masked goons try to stop Lashley getting in (and I’ve no idea how long they were intending on leaving him in his pod for). Then, after Lashley pins Test following a spear, he’s left alone for 1.15 until Show is let loose. This non-action isn’t winning the fans over, as they start chanting for a refund. Even the weapons can’t save this match, as no-one really thinks Big Show will get to wallop Lashley with a barbed-wire baseball bat, rendering it pointless. Some of the action is decent (That top of pod Test elbow, the entire Punk section which re-energised the match), but by the time Lashley wins the ECW title by spearing Show, the crowd is pissed off, bored and ready to go. To be honest, by that point so was I. Dreadful main event.