3PW Broadcast From Hell

Historically, I've not enjoyed the 3PW shows I've reviewed over the past few years, but when Lovefilm sent another one through my door, I felt it would be unfair not to give it a go. The result? This is easily the best 3PW show I've seen yet. Not amazing, but pretty solid on the whole

Josh Daniels vs Damian Adams

The commentary team hype up the friendship between the two at the start of the match, and they have a nice even little sequence at the start, where Daniels has a slight advantage. Adams responds by slapping Daniels across the face to give a nice little heel/face divide. Adams hits a lovely Alabama Slam out of the corner, getting real snap on it. Daniels is able to fire back with a great German suplex that dumps Adams on his head. I was also pretty impressed with the commentary team, covering for an Adams superkick that only reaches the chest by pointing out how that would drive the air from your lungs. Adams crotches Daniels on the top rope, but a top rope rana is reversed to a huge powerbomb to give Daniels the win. Fun bout.

Da Hit Squad vs Roadkill & the Blue Meanie

Kinda hoping the three decent guys in this match are able to carry the Meanie. It’s really hard to buy the wimpy punches of the Meanie doing any damage to Monsta Mack and Dan Maff. There’s a fun face-off between Roadkill and Mack that culminates in a nice Mack powerslam. I dug Hit Squad using fun fat guy offence, hurling themselves into Roadkill from many angles. It does feel like Da Hit Squad are slowing down a lot of their offence to allow their opponents to keep up. Maff takes a horrible bump for a Roadkill TKO, landing on his feet and leaping about a foot in the air. Roadkill goes to the top like an idiot, despite Maff being right new to him, so he gets taken out, allowing Da Hit Squad to hit a figure-four/frog splash combo for the win. Had decent spells, but too many poor bits.

Homicide vs Xavier

Basic mat stuff to start until Homicide suddenly goes into overdrive, nailing a massive tope, the cutter, a Yakuza kick and a big Northern Lights suplex within a few minutes. He’s in total control, until he hurts his back, and Xavier wisely zeroes in on it. Love the spear to the back by Xavier, which looks great. He follows this up with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. There’s an awkward reversals series stemming from a sunset flip, but this is generally pretty solid. Loved Xavier bending Homicide almost in half with a Mexican surfboard. Homicide goes for the Cop Killer, but his back is too hurt to lift him, and Xavier hits a backstabber and a Camel Clutch to retain control. I loved the way that Homicide regains control as they head to the outside, as he’s portrayed as being in his element in a streetfighting environment. He hurls Xavier into the railings and nails him with chairshots. We do head into moves overkill at the end of the match, as they really bust out far too much, with powerbombs and 450 splashes before Homicide is finally able to hit the Cop Killer for the win. Enjoyed this more than I expected, was impressed with some logical storytelling and great selling by Homicide.

Balls Mahoney vs NOSAWA

Feels odd to say, but I dug some of Mahoney’s early matwork, especially hitting some vicious crossfaces when he’s got NOSAWA in an STF. We don’t get enough of this, sadly, as they fight outside, using a pizza cutter on each other’s foreheads to prompt profuse bleeding. This bit is also extremely uninteresting. NOSAWA does hit a lovely kick to the face, but a Shining Wizard is blocked with a lowblow. The Nutcracker Suite only gets two for Balls, but he gets to hit a second version off the apron through a table to win. Really, they wasted a great opening to have a pretty dull hardcore match, which reached it’s nadir with the pizza cutter segment.

Gary Wolfe vs Joey Matthews

3PW seemed dedicated with making Gary Wolfe into a star, and it never seemed to work. Probably something to do with him being terrible. Here, he’s defending the title against Matthews, who is accompanied by Matt Striker and Rob Eckos, the future Robbie E. Matthews does a lot of stalling to start, and Wolfe hits him with a chair a lot, even stealing Raven’s drop toehold spot. Wolfe doesn’t give Matthews much, putting him through a table with an elbow drop from the apron. Matthew isn’t able to get any form of control until Striker provides a distraction, and even this control is temporary as Matthews accidentally puts Striker through a table and eats a DVD for the Wolfe win. Pretty terrible.

AJ Styles vs Kid Kash

While some of the prior matches have been better than expected, it’s when you see how good someone like AJ is that you know why he’s still a big star 12 years later. He looks so crisp here, hitting a lovely superkick over the safety rail, and there’s a great looking rana-Styles Clash attempt-rana sequence near the start. Everything Styles does looks crisp, and it has to be pointed out that Kash does his best to match him throughout. Styles hits a nasty looking brainbuster, and I appreciate him really locking in his pinfall attempts. Kash only gets two from the Money Maker, and his attempt to put AJ away with a top rope rana sees Styles reverse to a super Styles Clash for the win. Really enjoyed this.

Jerry Lawler vs Terry Funk

With this taking place in Philly, WWE employee Lawler is very much the heel against ECW alumnus Funk. Lawler looks in better shape than Funk, leaner and steadier on his feet, so he’s able to get heat on Funk by beating him down with a series of crisp punches, each one breaking Funk down a little more until he’s bleeding on the mat. Funk sells them beautifully too, invoking sympathy with his slightly-dazed selling as Lawler taunts and jabs away at him. Lawler hits the second rope fistdrop on a convulsing Funk, who instantly stops moving like cattle shot with a bolt gun. Beautiful. Funk makes a comeback with a crowd-popping low blow, then legdrops King through a table. Lawler is still too strong, however, and regains control to hit a piledriver for two. We do get a bit of overkill here, as another piledriver also gets two, before Lawler hits a third outside on the concrete. Lawler does some great trolling by introducing “a move a friend from the WWE taught me”, before hitting a poor stunner for two. The portrayal of Funk as superhuman does start getting a bit ridiculous, especially as a FOURTH piledriver through a table only gets two, but Lawler does such a good job of riling up the crowd that you don’t notice. Funk gets the win with a roll-up, ending a terrific match.

Ron Killings vs Kid Kash

This is a bonus match on the DVD which is taken from another show, and like the last 3PW show I reviewed, Killings is a lot of fun as a showboating heel. Love him hitting a big slam and doing a muscle pose. His overconfidence doesn’t pay off and he crotches himself on the top rope after a failed axe kick. Kash hits a great flip dive, but things swiftly go down the pan as they take a contrived “walk-while-we-hit-each-other-occasionally” stroll to the balcony. Killings hits a big powerbomb off the balcony through some tables, and they then decide to brawl back to the ring. That segment really ruined the flow of the match, and it doesn’t really recover, despite Killings flashy personality riling up the crowd. Kash makes a few nice comebacks, but Killings hits a gourdbuster for the win. Bit of a missed opportunity.

ECW December To Dismember 2006

So, for just £3 second-hand, I got the pay-per view that killed the ECW PPV dream for good. Is it as bad as people claim?

The Hardy Boys vs MNM

Well, at least they went for a hot opener. Both teams are reforming for “one night only” here, though they’d open the Rumble the following month. The match sees the Hardys dominate at first, until some Melina interference gives MNM an opening. They work over Matt with a nice series of double teams, and even get Melina to give him a headscissors on the apron. Matt goes for the hot tag after reversing a double suplex into a double neckbreaker, but MNM attack Jeff on the apron to prevent the tag. I loved the way that the heels cockily imitate the Hardys by hitting Poetry In Motion and attempting the Twist of Fate/Swanton combo. However, this backfires when Matt blocks the TOF and gets the hot tag to Jeff. We get treated to a nice dive sequence, the highlight of which is Nitro hurling himself with reckless abandon over the top rope. The Hardys got for the TOF/Swanton combo, but Nitro pulls Mercury out of harms way, and Jeff is soon the face-in-peril. MNM use some strong plays from the heel handbook, using blind tags and assaults on Matt to keep their control over Jeff. Melina even responds viciously to “crackwhore” chants by punting Jeff in the ribs. Jeff makes the hot tag and all Hell breaks loose. Even Melina takes one for the team, getting accidentally dropkicked off the apron by Nitro. MNM hit the Snapshot for two,

Matt Striker vs Balls Mahoney

Striker promises to make this an Extreme Rules match...”an Extreme enforcement of the rules”. Brilliant. Striker has a picture of his face on the seat of his trunks and we’re treated to way too many close-ups of this. Balls locks Striker in a cross-armbreaker early to show he can go on the mat with him, so Striker resorts to a cheap shot, before Balls hits the ringpost on a shoulder-charge. Striker does a pretty good job working over the arm with some fun offence, including a pretty swank roll-through into a Fujiwara armbar. Honestly, this is a pretty decent match, with Balls doing a good selling job and Striker perfectly fine as a smarmy heel. Balls hits some powermoves using only his good arm, before hitting a sitout spinebuster for 3. Enjoyed this a lot.

Elijah Burke & Sylvester Terkay vs the FBI

This is pretty much a squash match, though the FBI do get to briefly look good. The main aim is to get Terkay over as a monster, which he does by manhandling the FBI, throwing Guido over the top rope onto Mamaluke. The FBI try to use their speed advantage, downing Terkay by dropkicking his legs, but Burke hits the Stroke on Mamaluke for an easy win.

Daivari vs Tommy Dreamer

Like the most disappointing Heat main event ever. Daivari bumps about for Dreamer early doors, especially when taking a throw to the barricades. Khali interferes to help, but gets caught by the ref and thrown out. Daivari cranks up the crowd with a lengthy chinlock, then a second when Dreamer breaks free. Dreamer fights back again, but Daivari blocks the DDT and rolls him up for 3. Not a PPV encounter.

 

Mike Knox & Kelly Kelly vs Kevin Thorn & Ariel

This actually starts off pretty well, with Knox and Thorn just wailing on each other. The crowd is dead, despite both men nailing awesome clotheslines. Knox makes a mistake by chinlocking Thorn however, as this kills the crowd even more. At least with the lengthy Daivari chinlocks you could argue that it encouraged fans to cheer for Dreamer. This is a heel v heel encounter. The girls get tagged in and somehow this gets even worse, as Kelly is at her dirt worst here. Ariel dominates, but Kelly fires back and goes for the hot-tag, only for Knox to leave her to her fate. Ariel uses some choke-STO to win. Pretty horrible.

 

The Big Show vs Test vs CM Punk vs Hardcore Holly vs Rob Van Dam vs Bobby Lashley

This is an extreme elimination chamber match for the ECW title. The “extreme” comes from the fact that there are weapons inside the pods. I should highlight here how big Test was at this point. The man looks like a fucking tank. I should also highlight this match is terrible. There are so many factors stopping it from being good. I’m not even talking about the decision to replace the advertised Sabu (who incidentally is still on the DVD case) with Hardcore Holly, as I would rather watch Holly at this time. It’s just horribly booked with massive logic gaps. For instance, the heel trio of Show, Test and Holly are quite clearly in cahoots. They applaud each other when they enter the ring and all three are henchmen of Paul Heyman. Logically, therefore, you’d assume the faces would also try and collaborate. You’d be wrong. When Punk is released from his pod to join RVD and Holly, he goes pretty much directly after Van Dam. Even when Test gets in and starts choking RVD with a crowbar, Punk and RVD seem to get paired off. This eventually leads to RVD hitting the Five Star on Punk to eliminate him. This leaves him with Test and Holly. Luckily for RVD, Test turns on Holly and boots him in the head to eliminate him (and they manage to blow this pinfall, with the ref only counting two, but Holly still leaving anyway). But there is no way RVD could have predicted that, he was instead happily leaving himself open to a 2-on-1 situation.

The next problem is that the match is clearly booked to get Lashley over. However, the fans simply don’t want that. So when Test pins RVD following an awesome elbow from the top of a pod onto RVD’s chair-coated face, the fans are left with three men (Test, Show, Lashley) they don’t really like. Even more stupid, Test pins RVD with time to spare before Lashley is released, leaving 30 seconds of deadtime. This gets even longer as Heyman’s masked goons try to stop Lashley getting in (and I’ve no idea how long they were intending on leaving him in his pod for). Then, after Lashley pins Test following a spear, he’s left alone for 1.15 until Show is let loose. This non-action isn’t winning the fans over, as they start chanting for a refund. Even the weapons can’t save this match, as no-one really thinks Big Show will get to wallop Lashley with a barbed-wire baseball bat, rendering it pointless. Some of the action is decent (That top of pod Test elbow, the entire Punk section which re-energised the match), but by the time Lashley wins the ECW title by spearing Show, the crowd is pissed off, bored and ready to go. To be honest, by that point so was I. Dreadful main event.