No Mercy 2006

Gregory Helms vs Matt Hardy
Both guys fail to get an advantage early on, which backs up JBL's claim that they are like carbon copies of each other. Thus Helms has to use aggressive tactics to take over, with a vicious kick to back. Hardy fires back, and nails a pescado to the outside. Helms comes backwith a 2nd rope legsweep. I really like the palpable send of hate here, as inbetween moves both guys are happy to lay in a nasty blow, like Helms punching Hardy in the back following a failed pin attempt. A nice meaty mid-ring slugfest even has JBL going "Wow" as Hardy floors Helms with a big right. Hardy gots for the Twist of Fate, but Helms reverses to hit a neckbreaker. He nails the same moves two more times, but is caught going up top with a Side Effect. Hardy then copies Helms by hitting 2 more Side Effects, but also like Helms makes the mistake of going up top and meets knees on a moonsault. Carbon copies, see? I really like the way this is so back and forth, rather than one man maintaining an advantage, as it again backs up how even they are. Helms nails a top rope Shining Wizard, but Hardy gets a foot on rope. The ending is pretty choice too as it plays back to the Smackdown matches that had lead here. In those, both had picked up wins via low blows when the ref was distracted. Here, the referee moves out of the way as Hardy is pushed towards him, but Matt blocks the low blow attempt from Helms, and nails the Twist of Fate to win. Really hot opener.

Brian Kendrick & Paul London vs KC James & Idol Stevens
Both teams have females management: Ashley with Kendrick and London, and Michelle McCool with James & Stevens. Interesting that Stevens is the only one of the 6 still on WWE TV. Londrick dominate proceedings early, whilst JBL heavily puts them over on commentary. Stereo dives pop the crowd. However, London takes a nasty bump getting pushed off the top by James to give the heels advantage. Stevens and James take it in turns to lock holds on London on the mat, building up some crowd sympathy. They also work a proper heat section on London, holding him by the leg in their corner to stop him getting the tag to Kendrick then, when London looks like getting the tag, knocking Kendrick off the apron. I love it, and so does JBL. Kendrick gets the hot tag eventually, but his Sliced Bread attempt is blocked by Stevens shaking the rope as he tries it. London takes Stevens out in turn with an insane suicide dive. These two teams just have terrific chemistry together, and you wonder why Stevens and James didn't last on the main roster. Londrick get the win after a frantic final few minutes, hitting Sliced Bread on James, followed by a London shooting star from Kendrick's back for the win. Great match.

MVP vs Marty Garner
This is MVP's debut. JBL is apoplectic. MVP's arrogant strutting is quite enjoyable, but this is obviously a squash. Garner doesn't really get any offence in before MVP nails him with a vicious lariat and the Play of the Day to win. The ranting from JBL is the most entertaining thing about this match.

The Undertaker vs Mr Kennedy
Slightly hard to find the Undertaker as intimidating as usual as his fake tan starts running down his head at the start of the match. Taker starts working over the arm of Kennedy early, with him hoisting Kennedy up in the air by the arm being particularly impressive. Kennedy manages to block Old School by armdragging Taker off the top. Kennedy's selling of the arm is remarkably consistent, though he does try punching Taker with the bad arm which leads to Taker Flatlining him. In the midst of all the arm-offence, Kennedy does manage to take a turnbuckle pad off. When he does get on offence, Kennedy is nicely vicious, but makes the mistake of trying to get his breath back, giving Taker time to regain control. You get the impression Kennedy is putting in some real effort here, knowing what an opportunity this match is. Certainly, he seems a lot less half-arsed as he has done in recent years. Problem is that when Kennedy is on offense, it's a bit dull. His offence here is mainly based around kicks and hammering Taker in the corner. It's done with intent, but doesn't exactly enthrall the audience or myself. Piledriver from Kennedy (daftly called a Tombstone by Michael Cole) gets 2, and Kennedy reacts by pounding Taker in the face in frustration. It's like he's really selling the story of the match well (cocky upstart desperate to beat legend), but his offence isn't good enough to match up. In the middle of his hottest spell of offence, he puts on a resthold and the match cools down again. Taker hits a chokeslam, but Kennedy is able to reverse the Last Ride and ram Taker's head into that exposed turnbuckle. I'd forgotten all about that, which made for a nice little surprise. Swanton Bomb gets two for Kennedy. Kennedy tries to nail Taker with the US title, but Taker blocks it and uses it on Kennedy instead, giving Kennedy the DQ win. All that for such a shitty finish. Really out of nowhere considering Taker had just done the zombie situp and looked ready to win. Story of the match was better than the work within.

Rey Mysterio vs Chavo Guerrero
This is a falls count any match. We get some brawling to start, though it really isn't either mans forte. After a nasty dual bump to the floor from the top rope, Chavo takes over on the outside, which works because he's a bit better at looking aggressive. Rey hits a rana from the ring entrance, but it's really stifling to both guys to work this kind of match. A lot of the offence on the outside involves finding different ways to hurt the opponent on the guardrails, which these two are better than. At least Chavo catching Rey in a wheelbarrow and swinging him into the barricades and chairs is fun. After some mediocre brawling in the crowd, Rey hits a 619 from a staircase and pins Chavo following a crossbody the same stairs. Not the best match from these two.

William Regal vs Chris Benoit
Regal has been involved in some backstage hijinks trying to find Finlay and getting himself in trouble, leading to Teddy Long booking him against a mystery opponent. This is Benoit's return match following an extended break. Some of the opening matwork is superb, as both guys make it look like they're really working for the holds. They exchange blows and Christ, Benoit's chops sound like gunshots. You can hear the connection when Benoit headbutts Regal, which is unnerving in hindsight. Regal is busted open from this. They continue in much the same manner as you'd expect, with battles over matwork and some nasty stiff shots. Benoit even chops Regal directly on the head wound. Benoit hits a Dragon Suplex on Regal and locks in the crossface to win. Typically good match from these two as you'd expect, but with some of the stiffness involved, quite hard to watch with the knowledge we have now.

King Booker vs Finlay vs Batista vs Bobby Lashley
This is a fatal-fourway match for the World Heavyweight title. Finlay wisely bails early to let the faces dominate Booker, though he swiftly returns to help the King isolate Batista. Predictably we soon get segments when two guys are down, from moves which normally wouldn't stun them, leaving two men to go at it. Booker vs Lashley actually works well thanks to Booker selling and making Lashley look decent. Finlay soon turns on King Booker and then takes out Batista leaving him 1-on-1 against Booker. Finlay starts to dismantle Booker, then takes over on Batista when he returns. Got to love Batista trying to break an armbar by Samoan dropping Finlay, only for Finlay to hold on to the arm and retain the hold. Even better is Lashley trying to make the save, only for Finlay to start working on his leg. Lashley still moves around the ring really awkwardly, which makes his offence look a bit weaker than it should, so it's quite funny when Hornswoggle appears from nowhere to punch him in the nuts as he prepares to hit a Spear. We get to a point where we've got Batista vs Lashley left in the ring, which gets almost no reaction until Dave spears Lashley. Clearly they don't care about Lashley. That said, their segment is quite fun, as two massive men throw bombs at each other, including a nice overhead suplex by Lashley. Big Dave soon takes everyone down with spinebusters, then Batistabomb's Finlay, but Lashley comes out of nowhere with a huge spear on Batista and Booker steals the pin. Seems like a bit of a dick move by Lashley really. None of this was dull, and some of it was even good, but none of it was memorable. Really, there was no match structure, just decent segments bolted together.

3PW Three Men & A Bodybag

So, it turns out Lovefilm have a whole plethora of 3PW DVD's available for rent. I never saw any 3PW shows whilst they were a going concern, but I remember reading about their shows when they were one of the bigger Philadelphia indies alongside CZW. Because I will watch almost any wrestling, I decided to give a 3PW show a go. It's not pretty...

Christian York & Joey Matthew vs Dylan Knight & Rapid Fire Maldonado
York and Matthews stall at the start to establish they're heels. Knight looks like a portly version of the singer from My Chemical Romance in binbag trousers, so he needs all the help he can get to win the fans over. An early nice spot sees York thrown outside, before the faces avoid a Matthews charge, which sendshim through the ropes, hitting a tope onto York. York and Matthews are clearly a level ahead of opponents in both work and character, though there is a really awful spot where events lead to York giving his own partner a tombstone, a spot so contrived that it draws boos. I do dig York's range of cocky covers. York and Matthews pick up the win after Matthews grabs Knight's leg as he tried to suplex York into the ring from the apron. Not a good opener.

Robert Pigeon vs John "The Tank" Toland
You may recall Toland as one of the Dicks in the WWE. He's in way better shape than Mr Pigeon here, who looks pale and gaunt in comparison. They start with a series of armdrags, which earns a boring chant. They then work a full-nelson reversal sequence that I alone enjoy. They pick up the pace, with Toland impressively catching Pigeon in midair on a crossbody and chucking him with fallaway salm. As the match goes on, the same boorish pocket of fans continue their "boring" chant, which isn't fair as it's a perfectly decent match. Toland shows off his agility by landing on his feet on a hiptoss attempt. However, Toland misses a moonsault, and Pigeon hits an implant DDT for 3. Perfectly acceptable match with a pocket of dickheads making it less enjoyable to watch.

Chris Hero vs Colt Cabana
Fans don't seem to like Colt much. A series of armbars and counters is a bit better received than in the last match, probably because it's a fair bit better. Hero does his best to heat up the lukewarm crowd with a plancha to the floor. Sitout Soylent Green gets two for Hero. Colt fakes a top rope dive to the floor to taunt the crowd in a funny spot. You can see moments where the match is starting to click into place as it progresses, as if they were initially thrown by the negative crowd. They seem to have won them over at one point until Hero botches a roll-up and the idiots strike up again. In fact, the frustrating thing is how disjointed this match feels, as you get moments of nice, fluid action before things just seem to sputter out. Even the ending is abrupt, with Cabana winning with a top rope moonsault, earning a 3 count that seemed to come too early. Very disappointing

Gary Wolfe vs the Rockin' Rebel
Christ, this isn't the pairing to get match quality up. We've got ourselves a dog-collar match here, though Rebel is wearing some plaid as he thought it was a lumberjack match. Wolfe attacks the Rebel to put the collar on him after RR initially refuses. Rebel tries to leave, obviously forgetting about the collar round his neck, so Wolfe dominates him outside the ring. Wolfe sets up a chair for a Raven-esque droptoehold, but Rebel manages to miss it somehow, going face first to the mat. The odd thing is, this is actually kinda fun. Clearly both guys know their limitations so just go for some old fashioned brawling. However, the match ends pretty abruptly. Rebel goes to splash Wolfe through a table, only for Rapid Fire Malondado to interfere on Wolfe's behalf for reasons unknown. Wolfe then tries twice to put Rebel through a table twice, failing to break it both times before covering for the win. Despite the random interference, this is (gulp) match of the night so far, if only by default.

Billy Wiles vs the Blue Meanie
Bloody Hell! One fan in the crowd HATES Billy Wiles and spends almost all match yelling about how fat he is. They work two comedy criss-cross spots before Meanie hits the milkiest punches in the corner I've ever seen. I actually thought they were comedy punches, but no, they were just shit. Billy making sexy eyes at Jasmin St Claire at ringside might be the most entertaining thing about this match. Seriously, Meanie seems to pause before every move as if he's trying to remember how to do it. The ending (which can't come soon enough) sees Jasmin leap on the apron as Wiles takes control. Wiles drags her into the ring, then uses her as a shield as he sees Meanie recover. However, Jasmin lowblows him and stunners him right in front of the ref before Meanie hits a moonsault to win. Just garbage.

Jasmin St Claire vs Candi
This is billed on the DVD as a separate match, in fact as an evening gown match. What actually happens is Candi runs in straight after the Wiles/Meanie match to attack Jasmin (which is odd, as she was a valet for the face team in the opener). Meanie grabs her and rips her dress off (what a face!) and then Dylan Knight comes in to attack Meanie and strip Jasmin. I can feel myself getting dumber just watching this.

Public Enemy vs Christian York & Joey Matthews
Seemingly, Y&M's punishment for being the best workers on the card is that they have to pull double duty tonight. No other explanation is given. They're so brilliantly obnoxious here that you really want to see them get beaten. York in particular is especially douchey here. Fair dues to the PE here, as they seem to be trying their best to keep up with Y&M, with Rock especially putting forth a good effort. Plus, there is something purely enjoyable about watching two obnoxious jerks mocking their opponents, only to get driven to the ground by an enormous Johnny Grunge. Y&M run away, but get dragged back to ringside by a random huge man and an arena-wide brawl ensues. To be honest, I find these kind of walk-your-opponent-to-the-next-spot brawl interminably dull, but compared to the matches beforehand, it's almost refreshing, and watching big Grunge put York through a table with an elbow from a balcony...I even cheered a little. Also, because Rock is willing to bump for a lot of Y&M offence, you get the dynamic of the big veterans beating the tar out of the cocky young punks without the risk of Y&M looking bad. Back in the ring, Y&M get a bit more offence, before the PE nail the South Philly Drive-By for the win. Was this great? No. Good? Nearly. Did I enjoy it? Yes

The Sandman vs New Jack vs Sabu
This is a bodybag match with Tod Gordon as special guest referee. The match opens with New Jack attacking his opponents with staplers and forks. Then Sandman and Sabu attack each other and New Jack with staplers and forks. Great. It isn't until Sandman droptoeholds Sabu into a ladder that something interesting happens. He then suplexes Sabu onto the ladder, but New Jack comes back with that fucking stapler. Honestly, the two things I find most boring in hardcore matches is stapler spots and "grinding-a-weapon-into-a-forehead" spots and this has them in abundance. Literally 80% of New Jack's offence is stapler-related, though I do laugh when he suplexes the Sandman and proudly announces "I know a wrestling move". Jack ties Sandman to the top rope by his neck before....bringing out the fucking stapler again. It's like a bad joke at this point. Sabu puts Jack down with a chair and a chair-legdrop before putting him in a bodybag to eliminate him....at least until Jack cuts himself free with a massive blade and gets right back into the match. Sigh. Sabu knocks New Jack out with his stapler (oh cruel hand of irony) and now Jack is gone for good. Bill Alfonso comes to the ring and turns on Sabu by throwing a chair at his head. However, Gordon then gets a cane and starts wailing away on Sandman. Gordon then beats up Alfonso and my brain feels like it's dying. Sabu puts Sandman through a table...and Gordon ushers him to the back. No bodybag, nothing. What a total whack of shit.

Officially the worst show I've review for the blog. A crowning achievement for 3PW

CMLL 01/01/05

Regular readers will be aware about my blind spot for puro, and my attempts to remedy that. Take that blindspot and make it roughly 100x blinder, and that pretty much sums up my knowledge of lucha. With that in mind, I decided to delve into this CMLL show, which appears to be a collection of the best matches in the promotion in 2004. Let's see how this goes...

Mistico, Volador Jr & Felino vs Olimpico, Mephisto & Averno
This was apparently Mistico's debut in the Arena Mexico. He starts off with Olimpico, who seems to be underestimating him, allowing Mistico to control his more experienced foe. Averno and Volador tag in, and Volador impresses me right away, thanks to some silky smooth mat work. The rudos all come in the ring and dominate the technicos, leading to a nice spot where Mephisto and Averno lift Felino up outside the ring to allow Olimpico to dropkick him through the ropes. They then triple team Mistico with a three man powerbomb and pin him whilst holding him in armbars for the first fall. The second fall starts with the rudos still in control, taking it in turns to dominate Felino, then Volador, then Mistico again, before the faces finally show some cohesion and break up the triple teams. Mistico manages to hit a beautiful cartwheel splash to the outside, and Felino drops Averno on the top rope to allow Volador to nail a springboard legdrop to take the second fall. The technicos start the third fall retaining the advantage, and Mistico gets to show some lovely athleticism, with a nice rana followed by a pescado into a rana on the outside on Mephisto. Volador continues to shine in the ring with some lovely smooth matwork, and he and Felino take out Averno and Mephisto with dives to the floor, to leave Mistico and Olimpico alone in the ring. Olimpico has control, but Mistico gets a cradle off a leglock for the win. Plenty of fun and, whilst an impressive showcase for Mistico, it was Volador who really stood out.

L.A. Park, Shocker & Brazo De Plata vs Pierroth, Okumura & Rey Buccanero
With Super Porky (Plata) in there, we kick off with some comedy, as he leaves the ring early on to ruffle the hair of one of the rudo's associates before giving him a big kiss. Park soon follows him outside with an insane suicide dive. The technicos take the first fall really early, Shocker locking in a half crab to force Buccanero to tap out, whilst Park pins Pierroth with a corkscrew moonsault and Plata sits on Okumura. A replay highlights just how swank Shocker's crab application was. The rudos come back by triple teaming Shocker near the start of the second fall and it soon yields results, as they elevate Okumura onto Shocker for a splash pinfall. As the third fall starts, Buccanero and Park brawl outside the ring, whilst the rudos continue to dominate inside. Things start to get a little crazy, with Porky kicking off the fun by diving off the apron onto Pierroth. A technico midget in a monkey suit then leaps off the top rope, but is caught by Okumura and Buccanero, only for Park to follow on top of them with a twisting tope that barely hits. In the ring, Shocker takes advantage of the chaos to tie up Buccanero in a leglock for the winning tapout. Not as smooth as the prior six man, but it was enjoyable chaos.

L.A. Park vs Ultimo Guerrero
We get some nifty matwork from both guys to start, until Park gets the first fall quickly with a sort of spinning standing headscissors, which gets the tap. The second fall kicks off with Guerrero showing more aggression, but being one step behind Park, until he blocks a suplex attempt with a gourdbuster for the pin. Having blitzed through two falls very quickly, they decide to compete for the biggest pop, both showboating for the crowd for the biggest reaction, a battle Guerrero narrowly wins. Park hits a corkscrew senton which gets him two. He tries a top rope rana, but Guerrero catches him and hits a top rope powerbomb for two. Park hits a Code Red for two, but Guerrero nails his own for the win. Felt a bit brief, especially as I expected the third fall to go longer. However, it served as a valuable reminder of just how much fun Park is. He's blessed with so much physical charisma and is so much fun to watch on offence, with little kicks and cocky gestures. Just wish we'd seen more of it.

Rayo De Jalisco vs Canek vs Dr Wagner Jr vs Universo 2000
This is a four corner match where the loser loses their mask, with the rules being that any guy who gets a pinfall or submission is safe and leaves the match, until we're left with one loser. That man then has to unmask. All four men battle, with Universo and Wagner trying to rip off their opponents mask from the start. The rules ensure this is structured differently from the usual four way, as soon Canek and Wagner leave the ring to watch as Jalisco and Universo battle, with Jalisco soon nailing a pin-gaining powerbomb. Then Canek and Wagner let the defeated Universo roll to the floor and compete themselves. This section of the match is particularly good, with Wagner nailing a nasty looking dropkick to the face. Wagner shows his smarts by sending Canek to the ringside to get beaten up by Universo, before rolling him up inside the ring for three. This leaves Canek and Universo to fight, as Wagner awesomely poses on the ramp. I like the fact that both remaining guys exchange pin attempts instead of going straight to moves, showing that victory is more important here than hurting the other guy. Universo takes control, but takes too long showboating and gets armdragged from the top rope. Canek locks in a Rings of Saturn variation for what seems to be the tap, but three chaps I don't know come in for a distraction. This allows Universo to hit an illegal piledriver on Canek and lock in a half crab for what he thinks is the victory, only for the referee to disqualify him, having seen the piledriver. Really fun match, especially with the post-match antics, which sees Universo protesting for ages (I assume, not speaking Spanish), before unmasking and attacking the ref. Good stuff

Hardcore Homecoming 2005

So, Lovefilm finally sent me one of the wrestling DVD's on my list in the form of this Shane Douglas booked ECW reunion show. It has the feel of ECW, with Joey Styles on commentary and filmed in the ECW arena. Question is, is it any good?

Simon Diamond & CW Anderson vs Mikey Whipwreck & Chris Chetti

You know it’s a hit crowd when even the heel team get huge pops. Perfectly decent formula tag match, where Diamond and Anderson take control on Chetti after some initial face offence. Styles prefaced this by pointing out Chetti was the only one of the four who wasn’t wrestling regularly, so it makes sense when he becomes face-in-peril. CW looks the best out of the four men, nailing a lovely looking superkick on Mikey, but even an out-of-shape Diamond or a semi-retired Chetti keep pace and don’t blow anything. This might well be the best match I’ve seen Chetti in. After things break down, we get a series of finishers, culminating with Mikey hitting a Whippersnapper on Simon for 3. Good Heat main event.

Tracy Smothers vs the Blue Meanie

Tracy is accompanied by JT Smith for an FBI reunion. Despite Smothers being awesome, the limitations of the Meanie mean this has to be a comedy match. Luckily, Smothers can do those really well too, leading to a sequence where he fails to slam Meanie, but both Meanie and referee John Finnegan manage to slam him. Finnegan even covers for two. Tracy doesn’t appreciate the negativity of the crowd, advising them to stop or “everybody dies!” Tracy challenges Meanie to a dance off instead. Spoiler: both are terrible dancers. Smothers attacks Meanie from behind during the dance-off, but Meanie isn’t down for long. A corner splash puts Smothers to the mat, but Smith belts Meanie with a chain on an attempted moonsault, allowing Smothers the pin (with foot on rope). Not great, but Tracy was fun here.

Kid Kash vs Too Cold Scorpio

This is the match most likely to steal the show. They do things so well, even the little things like Scorpio adjusting his legs when he has Kash from behind to ensure Kash can’t grab them to escape. Scorpio remains slightly ahead at first and seems to be having fun, but he soon takes things seriously as Kash starts uping the tempo. Scorpio makes his first mistake by missing a pescado, before Kash springboards out and hits a rana on the floor. Kash is in command on the floor as much as Scorpio was in the ring, which he shows by throwing Scorpio from the stage and following with a cannonball. Kash hits Scorp with his own GHC tag belt, but the insult causes Scorp to no-sell it. He gets Kash back in the ring and plants him with a powerbomb and 2^nd rope flipping legdrop for two. A top rope flipping legdrop gets two. Kash tries to fire back with a slightly botched rana for two, but Scorp regains control and hits another powerbomb and a 450 splash to win. Unsurprisingly, match of the show. Great display by both men, especially the contrast between Scorpio dominating in the ring, and Kash dominating on the floor.

 Kronus vs the Bad Breed

This was supposed to be an Eliminators reunion, but Saturn got injured. The Bad Breed go to the ring and mention that due to a stipulation ten years before, they can’t team up. However, they can beat someone up, which doesn’t seem legally enforceable. Also worth noting Ian’s “Operation Exterminate Vince”shirt, which I bet has Vince just shitting himself. Essentially, they batter Kronus, until some familiar music starts and New Jack comes out to even the sides. You know how this goes, they walk around hitting each other with weapons, guys bleed and it’s all pretty dull. At one point a huge scaffold is wheeled to ringside, which New Jack uses to leap from onto a Ian Rotten-covered table.  This isn’t a match as there’s no ref, so the Bad Breed roll to the floor, where upon New Jack takes the mic for a rambling promo. All four men fist-bump, New Jack gives the Bad Breed “much love” and I mourn 20 minutes I’ll never get back.

 Jerry Lynn vs Justin Credible

I like the way the opening section establishes the difference between the two: Lynn outwrestles Credible, so Justin uses brawling to try and take over. Lynn tries a cannonball from a table onto Credible really early which he misses, but both of the act like he hit, which is a bit sloppy. Credible is shown as being one step behind Lynn, only taking over when some Jason distraction allows him to superkick a chair into Jerry’s face. Jason’s usefulness is shown again, as he sets up a chairspot for Credible, making it a bit less contrived. Credible tries to dominate with powermoves, hitting a Bossman slam and a powerslam for two counts, but it’s hard to be convinced by the raw power of a thin man in a wifebeater. Both hit their finishers, both only get two. Lynn crotches Credible on the top rope, and ranas him through the table he used earlier that I’d forgotten all about, which is a nice touch.  Jazz comes out to prevent Jason interfering again, and Lynn reverses That’s Incredible into a cradle tombstone for the win. Surprisingly decent, leagues ahead of their TNA series that sucked.

Raven vs the Sandman

Raven is accompanied by the Blue Meanie and the Musketeer, which must be the worst entourage he’s ever had. Raven decides to substitute the Musketeer for himself, which leads to a Sandman beating for Meanie and Musketeer. Raven takes advantage of this distraction to take over. Raven dominates a lot of the match, fair to say Sandman doesn’t add much to proceedings. Meanie throws powder in Sandman’s face and the Evenflow gets 2 for Raven. Sandman gets in a bit of offence, putting Raven through a table and hitting a swanton onto a ladder with Raven underneath. Swanton through a table gets 2. Meanie comes in to help Raven and hits two shitty moonsaults for 2. A third one is much better, but still only gets two. Don E Allen comes in to help Raven to zero reaction, but Mikey Whipwreck sends him off. Mikey goes to share a beer with Sandman, but turns and hits a Whippersnapper to give Raven the win. Pretty much held together by Raven and overbooking, the result was a mess, but a watchable mess.

Shane Douglas vs Sabu vs Terry Funk

This is a barbed wire rope match, and instantly Douglas and Funk look smarter by the fact they’re wearing t-shirts (not that you would expect Sabu to do so). It seems even smarter as both men are in the barbed wire within two minutes. Indeed, a fair bit of the opening segment is dedicated to all three men getting pushed into the wire. The best of these spots sees Sabu go for a chair-assisted springboard, only for Funk to move the chair, sending Sabu flying into the barbs. As the match progresses though, the barbed wire spots really start to lose their impact through overuse. Things get worse as Funk gets his arm so stuck that they have to cut the wire to free him. At this point, the overbooking kicks in, but in a way that actually makes the match more fun. Firstly, Shane KO’s two referees in a row, the second with a chain wrapped round his fist. Styles then claims that the whole show was  a plot by Shane to cripple both Sabu and Funk, which is a brilliant storyline. Shane starts climbing a rickety ladder, but the lights go off. When they come back on, Mick Foley is in the ring in a ref shirt to a huge pop. He uses socko on Douglas to a chorus of boos, but then amends it to barbed wire socko to a huge cheer! Sabu hits Shane with a chain to the face to eliminate him. Funk recovers and puts Sabu on a table, but climbing the rickety ladder causes it to collapse, and Sabu hits the Arabian facebuster to win. The first half was dull, but the second half was overbooked enough to make it at least entertaining. The overall theme for the show is that the wrestling was below average, but enough smoke and mirrors were used to make the matches fun.

666 17/01/2010

Man, talk about a low budget indy show. The 666 promotion runs out of Japan, and based on this show, draws crowds in the low hundreds. The crew appears to consist of an English ring announcer in a big bowtie and the wrestlers on the card. When it isn't their match, the wrestlers either commentate or referee. This is a one-night tournament for the title title...one belt which appears to have the face of Thomas the Tank Engine on it. Let's get to it...

Yuko Miyamoto & K666 vs Yamada Man Pound & Tochiki

Fairly enjoyable tag-team action. YMP and Tochiki are dressed like scruffy hardcore types, and back this up by sandwiching Miyamoto in between two road signs as he runs the ropes. They follow this by both hitting rolling sentons through the signs in the corner on K666. Miyamoto seems to be easily the best member of his team, hitting some crisp knees to Tochiki, which contrasts heavily to the slightly milky looking kicks of his partner. Miyamoto also gets the best spot of the match, hanging from a pipe on the ceiling to get into position to hit a footstomp on Tochiki. A rolling cradle follows, picking up the win.

Onryo & Konaka Pale One vs The 101 & Shinobu

The 101 has an odd gimmick, which seems to involve him revelling in slicking his hair back like he’s in a Timotei advert. Even his partner mocks him for this ridiculous act. Onryo was one of the first guys I liked when I started watching puro, and it’s nice to see the zombie still gives off dust when hit. Konaka does some early comedy wrestling, performing with his legs crossed, sat on the floor, including hitting a suplex on Shinobu from this position. This sets the tone for the match, with a slightly awkward mix of action and comedy. Konaka takes most of the punishment, before Onryo comes in on the hot tag with a tigerbomb for two. The 101 hits an impressive corkscrew moonsault from the bottom rope into the ring, but miscommunication means Shinobu hits him with a clothesline shortly afterwards, and Konaka hits Shinobu with a double knee strike for the win. Passable.

 Kazumi Shimouma vs Hiraku Shida

This is an Ice Ribbon match. Shida gets some basic offence to start, but Shimouma seems stronger and is more vicious, so soon takes control. Both girls go for a fair few submissions and noticeably fight for the holds. On one hand, this adds to the realism, however it also begins to look sloppy and awkward after a while with holds barely applied. Shida gets a nearfall from a Fisherman’s suplex, but Shimouma gets a shitty looking top rope stunner and follows with a World’s Strongest Slam for the win. Not good.

Yuko Miyamoto & K666 vs Onryo & Konaka Pale One

This match starts slowly, taking it’s time getting out of first gear. It also starts with too much K666 offense, showcasing the fact he isn’t actually very good. Onryo and Konaka work over his left arm, though this seems to be for the sake of working a heat segment, as it’s forgotten about once the hot-tag is made to Miyamoto. The pace picks up when he comes in, the ghoulish team hitting a nice tigerbomb/springboard elbow combo for two. Onryo and K666 manage to blow both a rana and another tigerbomb in quick succession, with both looking equally at fault, before K666 gets Konaka with a flash backslide for the win and the title...

Seemingly though, and I can’t speak Japanese to translate, they decide to have a four-way elimination match with the title on the line. It also seems to be a ladder match, as the title hangs from the ceiling and there are some tiny ladders in the ring

Yuko Miyamoto & K666 vs Onryo & Konaka Pale One vs Yamada Man Pound & Tochiki vs The 101 & Shinobu

Straight away, Onryo and Konaka get dumped over the top rope to be eliminated. Pretty convenient, as Konaka is back in the ring 20 seconds later to referee. The match soon breaks down, with 101 and Shinobu picked off and beaten by the other two teams, one per team. YMP and Tochiki work Shinobu over with chair on the outside; meanwhile Miyamoto messes up the 101's lovely hair by soaking it with water. The cad. The tiny ladders ensure no-one even tries to get the belt. Soon, the teams gang up on K666 and Miyamoto, hitting them with suplexes and dogpiling them for the pin. You’ll notice this leaves the two losing teams from the semi-finals battling for the belt. Suddenly, and I swear I’m not making this up, the ring announcer enters to the sound of “YMCA” and beats all the wrestlers up. Another lad dressed up in an American-themed costume climbs on his shoulders and takes the title from the ceiling, only for the ring announcer to hit a sitout driver on him and take the title. Absolutely baffling and I can’t tell if it’s amazing or terrible. Certainly entertaining.

ECW December To Dismember 2006

So, for just £3 second-hand, I got the pay-per view that killed the ECW PPV dream for good. Is it as bad as people claim?

The Hardy Boys vs MNM

Well, at least they went for a hot opener. Both teams are reforming for “one night only” here, though they’d open the Rumble the following month. The match sees the Hardys dominate at first, until some Melina interference gives MNM an opening. They work over Matt with a nice series of double teams, and even get Melina to give him a headscissors on the apron. Matt goes for the hot tag after reversing a double suplex into a double neckbreaker, but MNM attack Jeff on the apron to prevent the tag. I loved the way that the heels cockily imitate the Hardys by hitting Poetry In Motion and attempting the Twist of Fate/Swanton combo. However, this backfires when Matt blocks the TOF and gets the hot tag to Jeff. We get treated to a nice dive sequence, the highlight of which is Nitro hurling himself with reckless abandon over the top rope. The Hardys got for the TOF/Swanton combo, but Nitro pulls Mercury out of harms way, and Jeff is soon the face-in-peril. MNM use some strong plays from the heel handbook, using blind tags and assaults on Matt to keep their control over Jeff. Melina even responds viciously to “crackwhore” chants by punting Jeff in the ribs. Jeff makes the hot tag and all Hell breaks loose. Even Melina takes one for the team, getting accidentally dropkicked off the apron by Nitro. MNM hit the Snapshot for two,

Matt Striker vs Balls Mahoney

Striker promises to make this an Extreme Rules match...”an Extreme enforcement of the rules”. Brilliant. Striker has a picture of his face on the seat of his trunks and we’re treated to way too many close-ups of this. Balls locks Striker in a cross-armbreaker early to show he can go on the mat with him, so Striker resorts to a cheap shot, before Balls hits the ringpost on a shoulder-charge. Striker does a pretty good job working over the arm with some fun offence, including a pretty swank roll-through into a Fujiwara armbar. Honestly, this is a pretty decent match, with Balls doing a good selling job and Striker perfectly fine as a smarmy heel. Balls hits some powermoves using only his good arm, before hitting a sitout spinebuster for 3. Enjoyed this a lot.

Elijah Burke & Sylvester Terkay vs the FBI

This is pretty much a squash match, though the FBI do get to briefly look good. The main aim is to get Terkay over as a monster, which he does by manhandling the FBI, throwing Guido over the top rope onto Mamaluke. The FBI try to use their speed advantage, downing Terkay by dropkicking his legs, but Burke hits the Stroke on Mamaluke for an easy win.

Daivari vs Tommy Dreamer

Like the most disappointing Heat main event ever. Daivari bumps about for Dreamer early doors, especially when taking a throw to the barricades. Khali interferes to help, but gets caught by the ref and thrown out. Daivari cranks up the crowd with a lengthy chinlock, then a second when Dreamer breaks free. Dreamer fights back again, but Daivari blocks the DDT and rolls him up for 3. Not a PPV encounter.

 

Mike Knox & Kelly Kelly vs Kevin Thorn & Ariel

This actually starts off pretty well, with Knox and Thorn just wailing on each other. The crowd is dead, despite both men nailing awesome clotheslines. Knox makes a mistake by chinlocking Thorn however, as this kills the crowd even more. At least with the lengthy Daivari chinlocks you could argue that it encouraged fans to cheer for Dreamer. This is a heel v heel encounter. The girls get tagged in and somehow this gets even worse, as Kelly is at her dirt worst here. Ariel dominates, but Kelly fires back and goes for the hot-tag, only for Knox to leave her to her fate. Ariel uses some choke-STO to win. Pretty horrible.

 

The Big Show vs Test vs CM Punk vs Hardcore Holly vs Rob Van Dam vs Bobby Lashley

This is an extreme elimination chamber match for the ECW title. The “extreme” comes from the fact that there are weapons inside the pods. I should highlight here how big Test was at this point. The man looks like a fucking tank. I should also highlight this match is terrible. There are so many factors stopping it from being good. I’m not even talking about the decision to replace the advertised Sabu (who incidentally is still on the DVD case) with Hardcore Holly, as I would rather watch Holly at this time. It’s just horribly booked with massive logic gaps. For instance, the heel trio of Show, Test and Holly are quite clearly in cahoots. They applaud each other when they enter the ring and all three are henchmen of Paul Heyman. Logically, therefore, you’d assume the faces would also try and collaborate. You’d be wrong. When Punk is released from his pod to join RVD and Holly, he goes pretty much directly after Van Dam. Even when Test gets in and starts choking RVD with a crowbar, Punk and RVD seem to get paired off. This eventually leads to RVD hitting the Five Star on Punk to eliminate him. This leaves him with Test and Holly. Luckily for RVD, Test turns on Holly and boots him in the head to eliminate him (and they manage to blow this pinfall, with the ref only counting two, but Holly still leaving anyway). But there is no way RVD could have predicted that, he was instead happily leaving himself open to a 2-on-1 situation.

The next problem is that the match is clearly booked to get Lashley over. However, the fans simply don’t want that. So when Test pins RVD following an awesome elbow from the top of a pod onto RVD’s chair-coated face, the fans are left with three men (Test, Show, Lashley) they don’t really like. Even more stupid, Test pins RVD with time to spare before Lashley is released, leaving 30 seconds of deadtime. This gets even longer as Heyman’s masked goons try to stop Lashley getting in (and I’ve no idea how long they were intending on leaving him in his pod for). Then, after Lashley pins Test following a spear, he’s left alone for 1.15 until Show is let loose. This non-action isn’t winning the fans over, as they start chanting for a refund. Even the weapons can’t save this match, as no-one really thinks Big Show will get to wallop Lashley with a barbed-wire baseball bat, rendering it pointless. Some of the action is decent (That top of pod Test elbow, the entire Punk section which re-energised the match), but by the time Lashley wins the ECW title by spearing Show, the crowd is pissed off, bored and ready to go. To be honest, by that point so was I. Dreadful main event.

Southside Wrestling Menace II Society II live report

Robbie X vs Nathan Cruz

Robbie really impressed at the Speed King show, so I was looking forward to seeing him again. Solid opener, as Robbie is a great high-flyer, nailing a running SSP and a great-looking Code Red on Cruz. Cruz was pretty good himself, and they packed a lot into this match. So much so, that I can’t remember all of it, but I do recall Cruz caught Robbie coming off the ropes with a sitout driver for the win.

The Predators (Joseph Conners & Paul Malen) vs Project Ego (Kris Travis & Martin Kirby)

Despite what sounds like a heel name, Project Ego were very much the faces here. Kirby and Travis were really good at the Speed King show, and they worked well as a dynamic team here. The Predators were a good foil for them, as they didn’t attempt anything too flashy, but worked over Kirby (the face-in-peril for a large part of the match) with some nice double teams and really built up heat on him. What was really good here is that both teams have worked the UK as units for a while, so they both worked as cohesive teams. Despite two really good matches later in the night, I think this was a sleeper contender for match of the night.

Stixx vs Max Angelus

Interesting storyline here. Stixx is the head trainer and owner of the local House of Pain Wrestling promotion, and Angelus is one of his trainees. The story goes that Stixx thinks Max has gone too soft and has been rejecting Stixx’s interference in matches. There is a stip here that, if Stixx wins he’ll own Angelus’ contract. Angelus is also the reigning SWE Money In The Bank suitcase holder. Fun little match here, as Stixx bumped well for his trainee, which is more impressive considering Stixx is a mountain of a man. His offence was good too, including a nice reversal of a stomachbreaker into a half crab attempt. Angelus, I’ve said before, could really be a big star in UK wrestling, he’s got the right mix of skills, looks and presence in the ring. The ending was some great pro-wrestling as Max hit Stixx with a piledriver, only for Stixx to stop moving. The ref called officials from the back to check on him whilst Max looked on with concern. Just as they were about to carry Stixx from the ring, he popped up and took Max to the floor, locking in a half-crab for the tapout win, and also backing up his theory about Max going soft. So now Stixx controls the contract of the MITB winner. An intriguing situation and a good match to boot.

T-Bone vs SC Supreme

Supreme is a guy I saw wrestling for HOP in April and he was one of the better performers that night. He’s got that Jim Neidhart-esque physique that isn’t chiselled, but makes him look like a tank. T-Bone, I saw wrestling in the same arena last June, and he’s a really charismatic performer. These two just beat the crap out of each other. We got a few comedy spots (Supreme dedicating a chop to a woman at ringside before missing T-Bone and chopping the post; T-Bone then grabbing the injured hand at getting audience members to hit it), but for the main part this was just two big tanks pummelling each other, and it was great. At one point, Supreme hit an awesome overhead suplex on T-Bone, sending him all the way across the ring. The Predators came out to cause the distraction when it looked like T-Bone was going to win, but they had little effect as T-Bone hit a top rope splash to pick up the win. Good match

The post-match angle was even better though: following the match, Stixx came out to join the Predators and Supreme, guys who he’d trained, as they beat the shit out of T-Bone, crushing his mid-section with Stixx’s chain. Project Ego and Robbie X tried to make the save, but were beaten down every time they tried to get in the ring. Eventually, with the help of a returning Max Angelus, the faces cleared the ring and helped T-Bone to the back. Angelus brought T-Bone back to the ring for some more applause, only to hit him in the back with a chair before looking conflicted. Hot angle to head into the break.

 Marty Scurll vs MK McKinnan

Marty was defending the Speed King title he won last Nottingham show against the debuting McKinnan. It was a face vs face match, with the crowd pretty split between the two. Scurll is a really great wrestler, and can flip between funny man and brutal very easily. It’s all in the way he cheekily says “Hello” before kicking you in the head. This was a lot of fun as they seemed to gel really well with some nice chain wrestling. McKinnan made people take note pretty early with a great tope through the ropes. He also spiked Marty with a reserve rana, but ultimately Scurll’s striking got the better of him. Scurll picked up the win with the torture rack back-breaker. I could have watched another ten minutes of this happily.

Mad Man Manson vs “Textbook” Dave Breaks

This was a comedy match in-between two of the big matches on the card. Good match placement by SWE. Manson is a lot of fun and Breaks played the role of stooge really well. At one point, he even brought out an actual textbook to work out some tactics against the Mad Man. Not that it worked, as Manson pulled Breaks trunks down on a sunset flip attempt, leaving Breaks to wrestle half the match with his arse hanging out. In the end, Breaks got into a row with the ref, who pushed him over a crouched Manson, leading to a Manson roll-up for the win.

Ego Dragon vs El Ligero

This was fought under street fight rules and, after some of the chaos we’d seen at that point, it had a Hell of a job to compete. It did so, and more besides, being arguably match of the night. The two guys really brought the hate, brawling all around ringside, hurling each other through chairs and each realistically doing their best to win. Dragon hurled Ligero through 3 or 4 rows of chairs on the outside to draw a big SWE chant. At one point, it looked like Ligero had it in the bag, having stacked a load of chairs on Dragon in the corner, before diving onto them himself. However, Dragon had a plan in mind and, having taken the advantage, started dismantling the ring. With Ligero down, Dragon choked him out using the top rope, with the referee checking the arms of Ligero three times before calling for the bell. An insane main event, and a great show from start to finish.