ECW Hardcore TV #16 27/07/1993

This is a REALLY tough episode of ECW to get through, starting with a long press conference with Tod Gordon, and with the majority of the episode dedicated to Eddie Gilbert's increasingly tiresome "King of Philadelphia" schtick, which culminates in a really embarrassing vignette at a wrestling show that seems to be filmed in someone's back garden. It makes ECW look so small-time, and it also means we only get two matches.

Terry Funk vs The Canadian Wolfman

No idea why the Wolfman, of all people, gets to fight Terry Funk this week, when he’s not appeared on the show since week #8. It’s not like he’s a guy who’s going to put on a good match with Funk either, as he’s a slovenly fat guy with awful tattoo’s who bumps awkwardly. He tries to get some control by gouging Terry’s eyes, but is soon put away with 3 slams and a spinning toe hold.

Johnny Hotbody vs The Sandman

Well, this is definitely the best Sandman match so far in ECW, and you can give full credit for that to Hotbody. His movement here is excellent, just adding little touches to ensure that he turns round at just the right time to take a move from the Sandman, and he takes a big bump face-first on the mat, as Sandman pulls him over the top rope from the floor. His diving elbow to the concrete floor earns what feels like a legitimate cry of shock from Paul Heyman on commentary. Sandman ends up victorious, as Hotbody tries a cocky bicep pose pin following a shot from Hunter Q Robbins’s cane, only to get rolled up for the pin. Still, a great performance from Hotbody.

ECW Hardcore TV #8 25/05/1993

HD Ryder vs Super Destroyer #3

 SD3 is a barely disguised Sal Bellomo, who even takes his mask off for breath throughout the bout. This is played for comedy, which is about the best use of Sal. Bellomo’s offence is super soft, the only highpoints being a decent standing dropkick and Ryder selling an eyerake by wildly swinging at the air. A splash gives Bellomo the win, at which point the real Super Destroyers come in and obliterate him.

Suicide Blondes vs Tony Stetson & Larry Winters

Good to see the Blondes rewarded for their clean loss in a non-title match with a title shot. This isn’t great, though I really liked Stetson’s full-force flying clothesline. Winters is briefly worked over as face-in-peril, but when he hits a DDT, he opts not to tag out. This sets alarm bells ringing, and Hotbody causing a ref bump moments later do nothing to silence them (though Hotbody is dumb enough to try a small package on Winters, despite knowing he caused the ref to be down). More shenanigans lead to Hotbody nailing Winters with a chain to pick up the titles. Winters & Stetson being used as transitional champs to transfer the belts to the Blondes makes sense, as Hotbody and Candido are the best team in the company at this juncture.

Ernesto Benefico vs Don Muraco

Benefico is someone I’ve never seen look competitive and has zero chance. Muraco knows it too, as he plays this for laughs, barely putting any effort in. Muraco kind of awkwardly drops Ernesto over his head, then catches him coming off the top rope with a piledriver for the win.

JT Smith & Tommy Cairo vs Max Thrasher & the Canadian Wolfman

This was set up by Thrasher abandoning Smith the previous week, though given that he’s now paired with the obese, slovenly Wolfman, it looks a short-sighted decision. Enjoyed Cairo and Smith here, as they work as a knock-off Steiner Brothers, even down to the colourful singlets and Stevie Wonderful comparing Cairo to Rick Steiner on commentary. They both hits some nice suplex variations on the shambolic Wolfman, with Thrasher deciding to stay out of the match, before finishing with a nice Cairo powerslam and a Rocket Launcher sending Smith on top for 3. This was pretty fun.

Jimmy Snuka vs Glen Osbourne

TV title defence, though given that Osbourne’s offence is almost entirely monkey flips and snapmares, you don’t see the title changing hands. Snuka sells a clothesline in an embarrassing manner, taking a soft limb to the chest and turning to slowly leap over the top rope. An Osbourne roll up after Snuka misses a corner charge is SO close and actually had me going for a second. After Osbourne controls the bout, a soft Snuka backbreaker seems to put him out of action, giving Snuka time to slowly climb the ropes and hit a Superfly Splash for 3.

ECW Hardcore TV #6 11/05/1993

The Super Destroyers vs Tony Stetson & Larry Winters

This is hair vs titles, with Tommy Cairo handcuffed to the Destroyers’ manager Hunter Q Robbins on the floor. It’s also no DQ, which Jay Sulli on commentary seems to keep forgetting. The opening stages where they brawl outside are actually pretty exciting, and the Destroyers actually look like big killers for a change. The camera cutting regularly to Cairo and Robbins makes the match harder to follow, but then it transpires there’s no real match structure anyway, so we’re not missing anything. No real heat worked on the faces, just guys getting in and out of the ring, and no transitions to offence, just guys deciding it’s their turn to go on the offensive. Winters has the wimpiest kicks to the head I’ve ever seen. Thankfully the end soon comes, as Robbins throws his cane into the ring (good job stopping that Tommy Cairo!) and Stetson intercepts it and crowns a Destroyer for the title

Jimmy Snuka & Eddie Gilbert vs JT Smith & Max Thrasher

The formatting of this show continues to suck, as they book two tag matches back to back. There’s bits of this that are good: Gilbert continues to impress and has some nice offence, and I dug this cool reverse slam Smith did. The rest is pretty meh, with Thrasher’s sole contribution being to tag in, eat a Gilbert backbreaker and a Superfly splash for the loss.

Sal Bellomo vs The Canadian Wolfman

Wolfman is just an obese bald man with regrettable tattoos in jeans. He’s utterly terrible, starting the match by just looking at Bellomo, who just wanders up and punches him. He also can even take a snapmere bump, which is unfortunate as Bellomo seems to want to use quite a few. Bellomo splash finishes this quickly.

Jonathan Hotbody vs Tommy Cairo

This is a lumberjack match, and is probably match of the show. I liked Hotbody’s continued attempts to cower away from Cairo, despite the match stipulation, and especially how his partner Chris Candido was complicit in that, trying to provide him shelter outside the ring. There’s a nice bump when Hotbody throws Cairo to the floor and the Cairo/Robbins story from the start of the episode is paid off when it’s a Robbins cane shot that provides the knockout blow to put Cairo out. Call this a mild win.

The Sandman & Miss Peaches vs Rockin' Rebel & Tigra
This doesn't even get a finish. The main story is that Tigra wont tag in, forcing Rebel to wrestle all the match. This means he has to take Sandman's terrible looking offence. Honestly, becoming drunken hardcore Sandman gave him a career, because surfer Sandman is just a mess of sloppy looking spots and weak offence - his grazing dropkick here being a case in point. Rebel does take a big bump over the top to the floor to become the worker of the match. Tigra and Peaches finally get in...and the show ends just as they hook up. Excellent work lads.