Phantasmo & Darkness Crabtree vs Private Eye & Shane
Storm
Basic comedy match, worked very simply due to the
inexperience of the guys involved. Private Eye’s mask seems to be a big papier
mache eyeball, and as such he seems very hesitant of damaging it, not taking
any bumps. The highlight of the bout is probably Crabtree using his cardigan to
hit a pedigree, otherwise very forgettable. Storm wins with a sunset flip.
Joker vs Sabian
Imported CZW match here, and a really fun one. You can tell
these guys have spent a lot of time training together as this was a really
smooth match. Loved the opening battle of wristlocks, especially as both made a
concerted effort to prevent the other guy getting to the ropes. Joker gets a
backbreaker early and focuses his attack on the back, locking in a surfboard
and hitting a nasty looking Shock Treatment. This is a bit more vicious than
previous matches I’ve seen in CHIKARA, some real intensity on their slaps and
running kicks in the corner, especially the Sabian dropkick to the head that
sends Joker to the floor. There’s a really nice nearfall as Sabian reverses a
Joker Driver attempt to a victory roll, but Joker then hits the Joker Driver
for real to win. Really dug this.
Gauntlet Match:
Mr ZERO vs John Brooks
The winner of this gauntlet will challenge Mike Quackenbush
for four titles he holds at the end show, which Quack kinda arrogantly shows
off before the match. I dug Brooks here, he’s a stocky looking power guy, and
he looks decent working over ZERO’s leg after a nice dragon screw. It’s not the
most exciting match, but it’s logical and I loved the fluidity of Brooks going
from a drop toehold to a Texas Cloverleaf. ZERO ends up winning with something
that doesn’t look too good.
Mr ZERO vs Ultramantis
Though ostensibly partners, Ultramantis attacks ZERO’s leg
from behind to start and continues this assault. Ultramantis locks on a figure
four and holds the ropes to earn the submission
Ultramantis vs Fumar Dos
Dos has the most bush-league look, plain black mask, black
t-shirt, terrible binbag trousers. He’s also not very good, with his brief run
of offence looking sloppy. Ultramantis takes him out on the floor, suplexes him
and rolls him inside for a DVD to win
Ultramantis vs DJ Skittlez
Very brief, though Skittlez finds time to hit a very shitty
flying headscissors before a facebuster slam gets 3
DJ Skittlez vs Jigsaw
Ultramantis attacks Skittlez before Jigsaw even gets to the
ring, pushing him off the ringpost to the floor. Skittlez responds to this by
not selling his disadvantage during the match, and they just have a long bout
instead. Even when Skittlez hits his head on the ringpost early on due to a
missed corner splash, it doesn’t affect how the match proceeds. Really odd.
Jigsaw looked really good here, and I loved his leaping knee to the face in the
corner. In contract, Skittlez offence looks really weak – his sitdown slam
where he gently places Jigsaw on the match is particularly poor. At one point,
he catches Jigsaw on a suicide dive, which is pretty impressive, then just
places him back in the ring. It’s like he has no idea how to structure a bout.
Obviously, these guys are rookies, but Skittlez is several levels below Jigsaw
here. Jigsaw seems to get how to build a match, spending time yelling at the
fans before missing a high risk move, giving Skittlez realistic time to
recover. The end sees Jigsaw nails an enzuigiri and the Jig’N’Tonic to win.
Jolly Roger vs Rorschach
Honestly, this bout seems like it lasts forever. The initial
stages see some terrible work by Roger, slipping on a springboard armdrag and
barely bridging on a deathlock attempt. I appreciate that Rorschach at least
tries to keep up his heel role, mainly choking and clubbing on Roger, but it
devolves to the point of just guys hitting moves that don’t seem to end the
bout. Not even well executed moves, with this terrible wheelbarrow slam looking
rubbish on the part of both men. They’ve simply been given too long for guys of
their experience and they just fill it with move after move with no sense of
structure. A running Tomikaze only gets 2 for Roger, but he wins with a rubbish
looking flipping cradle from the second rope, despite Rorschach having his
shoulder up when the ref started counting. This was wretched.
Hallowicked & the Wildcards vs Mike Quackenbush, Gran
Akuma & Icarus
6 man elimination match here, but rather bizarrely there are
no eliminations for nearly 30 minutes then they all come at once in a 5 minute
spell. The opening stages are really fun, worked primarily on the mat. There’s
a really fun section with Quack and Hallowicked battling over a groin hold, and
Eddie Kingston’s trash talking is really on point. Also loved the big
convoluted submission with 5 guys locking on holds, then Kingston not joining
in (in favour of just booting Quack in the face). Crucially, unlike the
previous match, it doesn’t feel like moves just for the sake of killing time
and it remains entertaining. The turning point of the mat comes when Icarus
hits a suicide dive on a Wildcard, and they go flying into a small child at
ringside. Though Quack keeps working in ring, you can see Icarus talking to the
child who ultimately ends up leaving with his mum. It seems to take the wind
out of the crowd, and even Kingston helpfully yelling “Fucking kid will be fine”
doesn’t make things better. It also seems to distract the guys in the ring, as
things get lost for a little bit. Ultimately, after some compelling heat on
Icarus and Akuma (with the rudos trying to unmask Akuma), the crowd get back
into it. And then….the eliminations. Quack takes Blackjack Marciano out with a
crucifix for 3. Quack gets pinned following an enzuigiri by an interfering
Jigsaw. A terrible Kingston moonsault takes out Icarus. A roll up by Akuma on
Hallowicked takes him out, leaving it 1-on-1. Kingston then removes Akuma’s
mask to get disqualified, ending a rather odd 5 minute spell. I liked this for
the most part, though it was pointless making it elimination, as the numbers
difference was never exploited or part of the story. They also did well to
recover both the crowd and the match after the child injury.
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