Wednesday 27 August 2014

WEW Celebrity Ho Down

When I signed up for my Lovefilm account, the first thing I did was blindly add as much wrestling as possible onto my rental list. In the past this has served me well - I really enjoyed the TNA World X-Cup 2008, for example, and the Jeff Jarrett - King of the Mountain set was great too. With this DVD, however, I really regret not vetting my choices a bit more thoroughly. WEW (Women's Erotic Wrestling) was a promotion which offered female wrestling mixed with softcore pornography. Indeed, inbetween matches on this disk we get non-wrestling related footage of some ladies undressing in hotel rooms to Aksana-esque porno sax music. I like to think I'm open minded enough to give any wrestling a fair go, so I decided to see what this show would be like (Spoiler - it's the worst show I've reviewed in the history of this blog)

Amy Lee vs Nav-A-Ho vs GI Ho
Yes, that is two wrestlers with the word "Ho" in their name. Then-CZW commentator Eric Garguilo is the commentator here, so at least the commentary will be bearable. There are two referees for this match, one of whom is a Stevie Wonder impersonator. GI Ho is defending her WEW Hardcore title here. Unbelievably, we clip right to the end of the match, where Nav-A-Ho is down on the mat and GI nails Lee with a guitar (that spews white powder everywhere, oddly enough) and wins. Even more stupidly, Garguilo on commentary mentions the match was only a minute long, so why bother cutting it?

April Hunter vs Cle-Ho-Patra
I bet the bookers of this fed never got tired of using "Ho" gags. Cleo is the future Shelley Martinez, not someone known for great matches. If she loses this match, she's out of WEW, so I wouldn't blame her for throwing the bout. Hunter is much bigger than Cleo, so she dominates most of the match. I did like Cleo selling a Hunter choke against the ropes by lifting her feet off the mat to show Hunter's strength. That's the one positive in this match, as Hunter follows it with an appalling attempt at the backstabber. Hunter gently prods Cleo with her foot in lieu of kicking her, though a camel clutch does look like it's breaking Cleo in two. We get more shitty offence, including a full-nelson slam where Cleo never leaves her feet, and a Cleo facebuster so shoddily done that Garguilo (and myself) thought it was a Hunter spinebuster until the wrong person started to sell. Thankfully, it soons ends as Cleo taps out to a half crab.

Valerie Elizabeth Wyndham vs Francine
Wyndham is better known as SoCal Val. This is a "fetish kiss my foot match", with the winner becoming the general manager of WEW. Garguilo mentions that neither lady has washed their feet for weeks, so I sorta liked the minor psychology of Francine choking Val with her foot in the corner. Francine is being helped at ringside by ODB and Julius Smokes (doing a Rock rip-off as the Smoke), so the odds get evened by the arrival of the PWO to ringside. PWO stands for Pussy World Order, because sometimes life is awful. Val locks in a poor camel clutch, which looks even worse after the really good one in the Hunter/Cleo match. Val hits a stunner, but the Smoke distracts the ref so there is no count. The PWO do nothing. Val gestures for a moonsault, but ODB knocks her from the top into a tree of woe, and holds a chair for a Francine Van Terminator. The PWO do nothing. Francine hits a wedgie DDT (kill me) and gets the win. The PWO do absolutely nothing. This was shit.

The FBI vs Team Blondage
Here, the FBI stands for Full Breasted Italians, and consists of Angel Orsini (the former Prodigette) and Jeanne Durso, who I thought was pretty good in her matches against Mona in WCW. Team Blondage consist of Amber O'Neill and Krissy Vaine. This is also by some way the best match on the DVD. Not that it's particularly good, but because it manages to resist being totally awful. They keep things pretty basic and straightforward, running a formula tag match with Blondage working over Durso. Some of the double-teaming by Team Blondage was decent AND in keeping with their vain airhead characters. It's not great, as a really awkward false tag sequence sees no-one quite sure whether Orsini is supposed to be in the ring or not, but Durso's springboard flying forearm is one of the best looking moves on the whole show. But then the ending comes and ruins everything. In theory, the FBI go for mounted punches in the corner, but get pushed off and pinned by Blondage, using the ropes for leverage. However, actually what happens is that Durso is pushed down first, her Blondage member pins her with feet on the rope and the ref just stares at them until the other two repeat the move in the opposite corner. The ref CLEARLY sees both Blondage members cheating, but still counts anyway. It's so badly done that poor Eric Garguilo has to manufacture a story about Francine paying off the ref.

Hell's Belles vs Benji & the Smoke
Main event time! Hell's Belles are Annie Social and Jane Hardcore, whilst Benji is some portly guy. Yep, men against women for the main event. This is a total squash, as Hell's Belles dominate from start to finish. Smoke at least looks like he knows what he's doing, though he does have to sell like a zombie in between each move. Benji has no fucking clue what he's doing and clearly has no place in a wrestling ring. Both Socal and Hardcore nail Smoke with split-legged stunners (because I suspect Benji wouldn't know how to sell one) and both apply testicular claws to their opponents for the submission victory. Beyond awful

Saturday 23 August 2014

Triple X Wrestling: King of the Royal Summer Mania Series

After missing the June show due to being on holiday, it felt good to get back to another Triple X show. There was a decent sized, pretty vociferous crowd on hand for what turned out to be another really fun show

Dave Mercy vs Local Jobber #2
Super fun opener. Mercy wasn't scheduled to wrestle because, as host Omer Ibrahim advised, no-one wants to get in the ring with him. Even the Jobber seemed pretty reluctant to tangle with the sleazy Mercy, though he actually got a fair run of offence here. Due to Mercy's trunks being pulled down, we saw more of his backside than we would really want to, though not as much as Jobber, who got a horrifying closeup with his sunset flip. Despite Mercy taking control, Jobbermania soon ran wild as LJ2 Hulked up, and hit a big boot and legdrop for a two count. Sadly, his run was short-lived, as Mercy rolled him up with a handful of tights to win.

Keiron Young vs Chase Alexander
Alexander is the former Local Jobber #1 and is accompanied by the former Professor Lex. His new gimmick is that of a former child star, with Lex pretty fun as his entourage. I liked Young's series of dives he hit early doors, starting by going between the middle and bottom ropes, then the top and middle, then finally over the top. He's still the "Indy Guy", so this fits his character perfectly. Alexander worked over the leg to take control, with a decent bridging leglock. Young made his comeback and got a two count from the ever-so-indy combo of a Canadian Destroyer and a superkick before a distraction by Lex allowed Alexander to take his leg out and grab the pinfall victory. Both guys worked hard, despite being a little green, and luckily their characters and antics kept the crowd entertained.

Morgan Webster vs Mike Bird
The storyline logic behind this match was that Triple X were fed up of Webster, so brought in his trainer Mike Bird to teach him some respect. I mentioned this in my last HOPE review, but Webster is absolutely great at making me hate him. Seeing him here, sunglasses on indoors with a surly face just made me want to see someone give him a smack. Thankfully, Bird was on hand to smack the shit out of him, as he treated Webster to a series of chops in the ring. I'd enjoyed Bird's previous appearance at the April show, and he was really good here, just seeming really natural and comfortable in the ring. I liked the long heat section Webster worked on Bird, before Bird was able to come back and tie up his former student with an STF that had me believing Webster would tap. He didn't and in fact managed to pick up the win by faking injury, then grabbing Bird into a guillotine choke that he calls the Strangler (as I l found out on Twitter).

The Hunter Brothers vs Chris Brookes & Tyler Bate
Last Sunday, after seeing them have back-to-back great matches for Southside Wrestling vs the Young Wolves and Flip & Forearms, I excitedly took to Twitter and proclaimed the Hunters the best tag-team in the UK. This match backed up that claim, as this was another excellent bout. However, whilst the two Southside matches saw them work as fast-paced, high-flying faces, here the Hunters showed how good they are as heels too, keeping Chris Brookes isolated as face-in-peril, cutting him off and being generally unlikable. There were some really fun moments in this match: I loved Brookes scurrying along the piping that hangs from the Club M ceiling to crashland on his opponents below outside the ring (which apparently played off his match at the June show), and Bate showed off his remarkable strength by hitting a giant swing on one Hunter whilst giving the other an airplane spin at the same time. Bate nailing a big boot in the corner with a cry of "This is Sparta" was great too. The end saw a Hunter grabbing a wrench outside the ring but, whilst he remonstrated with the ref, Brookes' attempt to throw powder at the remaining brother backfired, instead hitting Bate and leaving him easy prey for a Hunter Brothers pin. Great match.

The post-match antics were fun too, with Brookes telling Bate he needed to lose his trademark moustache, or their friendship was over. Of course, the crowd weren't happy with this ultimatum, and, despite Brookes bringing out a bag of cheap disposable razors, Tyler kept the 'tasche. Brookes tried a cheapshot, but Bate instead nailed him with a massive clothesline. A chokeslam to the razor was the icing on the cake. Super fun segment.

Damian Dunne vs Gideon
This was scheduled to be Eddie Dennis taking on Damian as part of a "Pick Your Poison" deal with Damian's brother Pete. However, Dennis was injured, providing a doctors note, and instead getting his "close, personal friend" Gideon to take his place. It's always fun to see how debutants will fare at Triple X, partly to see how they cope with the (never mean-spirited) heckling from the crowd. With his bald head and bushy beard, Gideon was always going to get some piss-taking (I enjoyed the "Uncle Albert" chants especially), and he coped well with it. A chant of "He's got his head on upside down" was greeted by Gideon replying "You want his head on upside down?" and neckcranking Dunne. The match itself was plenty fun, with some nice looking offence from both. I dug Gideon greeting a suicide dive attempt with a big kick to the face, which meant that Damo nailing the same move later in the match got a big cheer. Dunne picked up the win after a low-blow by Gideon, and Eddie Dennis helped lay in a beating until Pete Dunne turned up for the save.

The New Henchmen (Jim Diehard & Rob Terry) vs Titans of Terror (Big Grizzly & Scott Grimm)
When I saw this match advertised in the build-up, I knew exactly what I wanted from it - the spectacle of four massive guys nailing each other with fun power offence. It didn't disappoint. I will forever love Jim Diehard hitting moves that a man his size rarely tries, flipping both Grizz and Grimm over with a headlock/headscissors and nailing a Shining Wizard later in the bout. Likewise, Grizzly hit a big dropkick on Diehard ("You weren't expecting that, were you?") and a big cannonball in the corner. I liked the fact that the big moves were built up to mean something, with a Rob Terry slam on Grimm getting a huge reaction. The New Henchmen won after a Diehard sitout powerbomb on Grizzly, and this was a highly entertaining match. After all, with all due respect, what was the last Rob Terry match you saw get a "This is awesome!" chant?

Pete Dunne vs Doug Williams
Williams was Eddie Dennis' choice to fight the number one contender to his Triple X title. Williams cheap-shotted Dunne to kick off, but this soon developed into a fine technical affair. Williams was dominant on the mat in the early going, which makes sense given his experience advantage, but Dunne was able to get back into it with some tough-looking strikes, and locked in a cloverleaf for a near tap. Dennis distracted Dunne mid-match, and Williams attacked from behind to fully complete his heel turn. Despite this, Dunne was able to pick up the victory. as Dennis lambasted Williams after a two count, and this distraction allowed Dunne to get a roll-up for the victory. After the match, Williams and Dennis put the boots to Pete, until brother Damian came in to make the save. Pete seemed a little put out that Damo didn't make the save sooner, but they left united. Fine main event, and I liked the way that Williams' initial superiority made Dunne look even better when he was able to fire back and take over himself.

Thursday 14 August 2014

House of Pain: Evolution 12 - Everybody Stay Cool, This Is A Robbery

Having really enjoyed HOPE's June show in Mansfield, I was more than a little disappointed that my required attendance at a birthday party meant I missed their July show. I wasn't going to let this happen twice, mind you, so last Friday I went back for what was another fun show.

Chris Brookes vs Zack Northern
This was a great opener, and these two guys are a real good match personality wise. Northern is a great, likable face whilst Brookes, despite not using the nickname here, is a man often billed as "a bit of a cunt", which provides a nice contrast. The opening stages were nice, despite a slight slip by Northern reversing a backdrop, but it got really good when Northern suffered a leg injury, which Brookes focused on for the rest of the match. What I loved was Brookes' arrogant demeanour as he worked over the leg, knowing he was in control, which allowed time for Northern to make great spirited comebacks and nearly steal the win. In the end, the injury was too much and Brookes retained total control with a single leg crab. Northern looked set to tap, until his girlfriend Nixon came in to attack Brookes, earning him the DQ win. The postmatch was also great, as Brookes threatened Nixon, which drew a one-legged Northern to come to her aid. His reward for this was a low-blow from Nixon, who then went off with Brookes. Really loved this, kept Northern looking good as he wouldn't tap out, but put over how deadly (and how much of a dick) Brookes is.

Danny Chase vs Barricade
I like both guys, but I expected this to be a bit better. It felt like a match of two halves, with the first half being a bit plodding, and the second half being more exciting. With Chase being a lot smaller than Barricade, a lot of the early stage revolved around him getting beaten down by Barricade in a methodical fashion, with a few hope spots here and there. When Chase made his comeback, things improved and there were some really nice sequences, including one which ended with Barricade getting sent into the ring post to make it seem like Chase might pick up the win. I also really liked Barricade blocking a monkey flip to nearly hit his two-handed chokeslam finisher, only for Chase in turn to block that. The end saw a typical Raw finish, as Ruffneck's music played, causing Barricade to turn his attention from Chase, who rolled him up for the win. I thought this was actually more logical than when I hate that finish on Raw each week - it makes sense for Barricade to be fooled, as he's a monster who lets his manager Harvey Dale do the thinking for him, and Harvey was busy shitting himself at the thought of Ruffneck attacking him again.

Paul Malen vs Stevie Mitchell
This was supposed to be Malen against "Flash" Morgan Webster, who is one of my favourite guys to hate in wrestling. Sadly, Webster was injured and so was replaced by House of Pain wrestler Mitchell. I've seen Mitchell a few times and, whilst he's got potential, he's not there yet, and obviously doesn't have the "fuck, I hate this mod twat" factor that Webster does. Mitchell's nickname is "Rough House", and it's probably not unfair to say he needs to be a bit nastier in his strikes to live up to that, though I liked a few of the grittier things he did to Malen. A full nelson with Malen forced into the corner was pretty choice. Malen looked great here and guided the less experienced Mitchell through a decent bout, before picking up the victory with a Twist of Fate. I do wish Flash had been there though...

Ashton Smith vs Kris Travis
Smith made his debut in the June show, and left then to a standing ovation. Two months later and he's still massively over and having a really fun match with one of the UK's best. I really enjoyed this, it was impressively hard-hitting and, due to Travis' willingness to heel it up, got a really good reaction from the crowd. Smith's match in June with Bam Bam Barton was a short, sharp shock of a match, so it was good to see him work a longer match here. At one point, Smith took a mental dive to the outside that looked like it landed hard. Smith eventually picked up the win with a cradle DDT.

LJ Heron vs Ryan Smile
Having seen heel LJ Heron at the last show and a couple of HoP shows, it's amazing how they've taken something I like and made it even better. This was a really good match, with Smile's high-flying giving him the advantage, before a missed corner splash sent him high into the turnbuckle. Heron took advantage of this to work over the mid-section of Smile, which was logical to set up Heron's spear finisher. It also had an effect on Smile's high-flying, with a missed 450 causing even more damage to the torso. Smile made a comeback using his speed advantage, and nailed a mad suicide dive into the crowd to wipeout Heron. The end saw Smile firmly in control before Heron hit a low blow before nailing Smile with a spear (complete with 360 sell by Smile)

Nixon vs Violet Vendetta vs Ruby Summers vs Felony
Can I be brutally honest? Not really being familiar with any of the competitors in the match, I really worried this match was going to be terrible. You know what? I quite enjoyed it. Sure, some of the execution was a little weak and it got a bit messy at times, but it was never dull and kept moving at a decent pace. Felony was billed as the "living dead girl" and totally had a female Onryo thing going on here, all white gear and ghostly body movements. Give her some Onryo zombie dust to fly off her when hit and she'll be my favourite thing in wrestling. Nixon pretty much had to win following her earlier heel turn, and she got the pin on Summers. The other two couldn't break it up as Felony had pulled a screaming Vendetta under the ring, like the end scene of "Drag Me To Hell".

Joseph Conners vs Martin Kirby
This was the main event of the night. It started with a bit of sportsmanship between two face wrestlers, with some nice matwork and handshakes. Kirby took a spill to the floor which led to Conners holding the ropes open for him, before Conners also took a spill, a nastier one, where Kirby returned the favour. Kirby was letting a little frustration seep through, especially when Conners seemed to be suffering a back injury from the fall to the floor which caused the ref to tend to him rather than letting the match continue. This frustration would manifest itself in a heelish side for Kirby which gave the match it's dynamic. Like Brookes/Northern and Heron/Smile, the bodypart work was really good, generating sympathy for Conners and giving Kirby a way to quickly cut off any Conners comeback attempt with a swift body shot. For a guy who is a nasty shit of a heel in Southside, Conners does great fired-up comebacks, and I love the big leaping clothesline he does to regain the advantage. The match ended with Conners picking up the win following a slingshot DDT, and this was a really satisfying match.