Saturday, 13 June 2015

LPWA Wild Things

Been a while since Lovefilm sent me any wrestling, and I didn't know what to expect from this. I knew it couldn't be as bad a WEW, but I wasn't sure how serious a promotion the LPWA were. Would they be played for fun like GLOW or Wrestlicious? Well, there aren't as many silly gimmicks as those promotions, but you really have to search hard for the wheat amongst the chaff here...

Terri Power vs Rusty Thomas
Power is the future WWF diva Tori. The very first thing we see on this DVD is Power hitting some spectacularly bad armdrags. We get a sudden heavy clip and return to Power still in control, but looking lost on every other move. A top rope superplex gives Power the win. 

Misty Blue Simmes vs Nasty Linda
Linda is one half of the tag team the Nasty Girls. Simmes hits two Bubba Bombs early, before Linda grounds her. Linda works an arm bar, then arbitrarily decides to work the leg, which is probably why she loses control of the match. Linda does lock in a nice looking Octopus stretch. Linda goes to the top rope, but spends ages climbing, which allows Simmes to throw her off and hit a shitty looking top rope ax handle for the win.

Candi Devine vs Reggie Bennett
Bennett is billed as the power house here, apparently able to bench 300lbs, which doesn’t explain why Devine seems to be able to power her to the mat on a regular basis. Bennett downs Devine with a wristlock, and hits two legdrops. Bennett misses a third, but still gets to slingshot Devine across the ring. They seem to transition from each other being in control with no rhyme or reason: it just happens. They botch a backslide twice, before Bennett hits a torture rack slam for the win. Poor.

Heidi Lee Morgan vs Bad Girl
The imaginatively named Bad Girl puts on the best show so far on this DVD, with some big slams and a nasty looking backbreaker. Bad Girl hits a nice powerslam, before Morgan fires back with some shitty dropkicks. Morgan kicks Girl’s manager, Boogaloo Brown, from the apron to the floor (Brown taking the biggest bump on the DVD by a mile), and then dropkicks Bad Girl over the top, earning Girl a DQ win

Miss Linda vs Sheeba
Both have managers, Linda accompanied by Adrian Street and Sheeba by Sheik Adnan Al-Kaissey. This is a terrifically dull bout. They work over each others limbs in a very tedious manner, before Al-Kaissey randomly interferes, drawing a DQ. So bad.

Malia Hosaka vs The Goddess
This takes a big clip very early, cutting to different crowd shots for 15 seconds. When we come back, Hosaka is valiantly bumping for the Goddess’ questionable offence, before getting thrown off the top for the Goddess win.

Team America vs La Gata & Comrade Olga
Team America are Heidi Lee Morgan and Misty Blue Simmes. This was actually ok, I thought the double teams by Team America looked good, and La Gata felt like an actual wrestler in there. Comrade Olga is a large lady, and she dominates Simmes for a while…until La Gata tags in and just lets Simmes tag out to Morgan. Soon, we’re back to Simmes and Olga again, and Olga once more dominates. She hits two big splashes, before Morgan basically cheats, not waiting to be tagged and hitting a missle dropkick on Olga, then throwing Simmes with a rocket launcher for the win.

Sindy Paradise vs The Beast
The Beast is a large biker lady in jeans and t-shirt. She stiffly beats up Paradise, who shows some spunk in fighting back. Beast hits two slams for the quick win.

Magnificent Mimi vs Dawn Marie
We gets the “cut to the crowd for 20 seconds” shot that indicates clipping, before coming back to Mimi hitting a terrible crossbody (that nearly sends her over Dawn Marie) to win.

Shelly Francis vs Brittany Brown
Francis is Sheeba from a few matches earlier, having now reclaimed her American roots. The sledgehammer of subtlety means she comes to the ring to “Born In The USA”. This is nearly as shit as her earlier match, as Francis lazily holds the leg of Brown before a clip. We come back to Brown working the arm, but Francis flips out and locks as Boston crab for the win.

Terri Powers & Alona Starr vs Bad, Black & Beautiful
Only one half of BB&B are black, and it’s arguable neither are a classic beauty. Power and Bad Girl work a laughably bad strike exchange. I hate the way this match shows zero tag psychology, as BB&B work power over, then casually throw her to her partner to tag in. Bad Girl looks good in control, beating up Starr, but then her partner Black Venus again throws Starr to tag back out again. It doesn’t make sense, as this isn’t a squash, and Power/Starr are presented as a decent threat. It all breaks down into a melee before Bad Girl hits a tombstone on Starr for the win. Very poor.

Reggie Bennett vs La Gata
Like Shelly Francis, Bennett also enters to “Born In The USA”. La Gata controls early by working over Bennett’s….hair? I did like Bennett using her size and power advantage to simply grab Gata’s arm on a clothesline to turn her round into a back suplex. Bennett blocks a flying headscissors by La Gata, then hits a legdrop for two. The commentator uses this to make an incredible dig at the WWF, implying Gata is tougher than anyone pinned by Hulk Hogan. Bennett hits a big tilt-a-whirl slam and locks in the Reggie Rack for the tapout. Thought Bennett looked really good here, one of the better matches on the disc.

Malia Hosaka vs Despina Mantagas
Whole lot of nothing here. Mantagas hits a fine fireman’s carry roll, but Hosaka ends up on top for the win.

Susan Sexton vs Leilani Kai
Something unusual happens here, as these two decide to put on an actual wrestling match, with proper selling and everything. Sexton actually works the holds when she downs Kai, who actually sells the moves. This was really enjoyable, with Kai looking really good on offence. Great Northern Lights suplex and she hits a mean looking headbutt, but misses a splash and Sexton rolls her up for three.

Bambi vs Lady X
Bambi’s offence is quite fun, sloppy, but certainly enthusiastic, and after she whiffs on a back elbow, she decides to hit Lady X with a stiff looking slap. X didn’t have much to do except look big and hit a few power moves, but this was perfectly fine. It ends with Bambi hitting a bulldog for the win.

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