When I signed up for my Lovefilm account, the first thing I did was blindly add as much wrestling as possible onto my rental list. In the past this has served me well - I really enjoyed the TNA World X-Cup 2008, for example, and the Jeff Jarrett - King of the Mountain set was great too. With this DVD, however, I really regret not vetting my choices a bit more thoroughly. WEW (Women's Erotic Wrestling) was a promotion which offered female wrestling mixed with softcore pornography. Indeed, inbetween matches on this disk we get non-wrestling related footage of some ladies undressing in hotel rooms to Aksana-esque porno sax music. I like to think I'm open minded enough to give any wrestling a fair go, so I decided to see what this show would be like (Spoiler - it's the worst show I've reviewed in the history of this blog)
Amy Lee vs Nav-A-Ho vs GI Ho
Yes, that is two wrestlers with the word "Ho" in their name. Then-CZW commentator Eric Garguilo is the commentator here, so at least the commentary will be bearable. There are two referees for this match, one of whom is a Stevie Wonder impersonator. GI Ho is defending her WEW Hardcore title here. Unbelievably, we clip right to the end of the match, where Nav-A-Ho is down on the mat and GI nails Lee with a guitar (that spews white powder everywhere, oddly enough) and wins. Even more stupidly, Garguilo on commentary mentions the match was only a minute long, so why bother cutting it?
April Hunter vs Cle-Ho-Patra
I bet the bookers of this fed never got tired of using "Ho" gags. Cleo is the future Shelley Martinez, not someone known for great matches. If she loses this match, she's out of WEW, so I wouldn't blame her for throwing the bout. Hunter is much bigger than Cleo, so she dominates most of the match. I did like Cleo selling a Hunter choke against the ropes by lifting her feet off the mat to show Hunter's strength. That's the one positive in this match, as Hunter follows it with an appalling attempt at the backstabber. Hunter gently prods Cleo with her foot in lieu of kicking her, though a camel clutch does look like it's breaking Cleo in two. We get more shitty offence, including a full-nelson slam where Cleo never leaves her feet, and a Cleo facebuster so shoddily done that Garguilo (and myself) thought it was a Hunter spinebuster until the wrong person started to sell. Thankfully, it soons ends as Cleo taps out to a half crab.
Valerie Elizabeth Wyndham vs Francine
Wyndham is better known as SoCal Val. This is a "fetish kiss my foot match", with the winner becoming the general manager of WEW. Garguilo mentions that neither lady has washed their feet for weeks, so I sorta liked the minor psychology of Francine choking Val with her foot in the corner. Francine is being helped at ringside by ODB and Julius Smokes (doing a Rock rip-off as the Smoke), so the odds get evened by the arrival of the PWO to ringside. PWO stands for Pussy World Order, because sometimes life is awful. Val locks in a poor camel clutch, which looks even worse after the really good one in the Hunter/Cleo match. Val hits a stunner, but the Smoke distracts the ref so there is no count. The PWO do nothing. Val gestures for a moonsault, but ODB knocks her from the top into a tree of woe, and holds a chair for a Francine Van Terminator. The PWO do nothing. Francine hits a wedgie DDT (kill me) and gets the win. The PWO do absolutely nothing. This was shit.
The FBI vs Team Blondage
Here, the FBI stands for Full Breasted Italians, and consists of Angel Orsini (the former Prodigette) and Jeanne Durso, who I thought was pretty good in her matches against Mona in WCW. Team Blondage consist of Amber O'Neill and Krissy Vaine. This is also by some way the best match on the DVD. Not that it's particularly good, but because it manages to resist being totally awful. They keep things pretty basic and straightforward, running a formula tag match with Blondage working over Durso. Some of the double-teaming by Team Blondage was decent AND in keeping with their vain airhead characters. It's not great, as a really awkward false tag sequence sees no-one quite sure whether Orsini is supposed to be in the ring or not, but Durso's springboard flying forearm is one of the best looking moves on the whole show. But then the ending comes and ruins everything. In theory, the FBI go for mounted punches in the corner, but get pushed off and pinned by Blondage, using the ropes for leverage. However, actually what happens is that Durso is pushed down first, her Blondage member pins her with feet on the rope and the ref just stares at them until the other two repeat the move in the opposite corner. The ref CLEARLY sees both Blondage members cheating, but still counts anyway. It's so badly done that poor Eric Garguilo has to manufacture a story about Francine paying off the ref.
Hell's Belles vs Benji & the Smoke
Main event time! Hell's Belles are Annie Social and Jane Hardcore, whilst Benji is some portly guy. Yep, men against women for the main event. This is a total squash, as Hell's Belles dominate from start to finish. Smoke at least looks like he knows what he's doing, though he does have to sell like a zombie in between each move. Benji has no fucking clue what he's doing and clearly has no place in a wrestling ring. Both Socal and Hardcore nail Smoke with split-legged stunners (because I suspect Benji wouldn't know how to sell one) and both apply testicular claws to their opponents for the submission victory. Beyond awful
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