CHIKARA Fear of Music (2004)

Crossbones, Mano Metalico & Rorschach vs Jolly Roger, Icarus & Lance Steel

Super fun trios match, helped by Crossbones being a Grade-A trash-talker. He’s on it throughout the entire match, managing to just about avoid being irritating. Loved seeing Roger hit a sort of proto-Codebreaker on Metalico. The heat is worked on Roger, and it’s nice to see Rorschach finally starting to improve. He hits a really neat slingshot elbow and his Indian Deathlock has a nice bridge. For such a big guy, it’s fun seeing Metalico stop an offensive run by Roger with a poke to the eye. Roger gets the hot tag after blocking a Crossbones superplex and nailing a blockbuster. Things break down, and start getting a bit sloppy. Icarus hits a clumsy looking top rope dive, Crossbones almost drops Jolly Roger on his head by not holding the head on an Air Raid Crash and wrestlers get thrown out of the ring in a clumsy fashion. Rorschach hits a nice Dragon Suplex on Lance Steel for the win.

Darkness Crabtree vs Allison Danger

This wasn’t great, they’re playing up Crabtree being a bit creepy when facing a woman, which is a little uncomfortable. Crabtree takes control after he gets whipped to the buckle, and he’s so decrepit that he slumps down, which causes Danger to miss a corner charge. Crabtree misses a really slow People’s Elbow, and Danger hits an STO for two. Oddly, she just tries the pin again and gets the win. That was odd.

DJ Skittlez vs Gran Akuma

For two guys who were among the first CHIKARA students, there’s a bit of a gulf here in terms of look and performance. Akuma is in great shape, moves so well and his offence looks a lot better. Skittlez isn’t graceful in the slightest, which does have some benefits. It makes his top rope clothesline look more forceful, but after the initial opening sequences of nicely rehearsed armdrags and reversals, he looks a bit loss. Skittlez seems legitimately injured after taking a spin kick to the ribs, but he does get back on his feet to continue the bout for a few minutes. Akuma rolls through a cradle to get the win.

Sabian vs Ravage

Fuck, Ravage is so bloody irritating, all faux-quirkly shrieks and laughs. Sabian comes out with a sling on his right arm, and the match is called off. Only included in this review because it gets reference later.

Niles Young vs Claudio Castagnoli

Another match to push Castagnoli’s European Rules gimmick. Niles wins my heart early by working a headlock on Claudio, and slapping it back on every time Castagnoli escapes. Just nicely frustrating his opponent. Obviously frustrates him enough that Claudio changes his gameplan for round 2, hitting a sneaky cheapshot. Claudio shows nice strength to hit a backbreaker and muscle Young back up for a stomachbreaker. Loved Claudio cheapshotting after the bell to end round 2, then kicking the crap out of Young while Bryce Remsberg issues the public warning. Young fires back and gets a 9 count after a leaping 2^nd rope X-Factor, but Claudio stops a second by pushing Remberg into the ropes. As the second public warning gets issues, Castagnoli nails a European uppercut to the back on Young’s head to get the 10 count win. Dug this.

The Dark Breed (Ultramantis Black & Hallowicked) vs Men At Work (Shane Storm & Mr Zero)

At this point, Ultramantis still feels too goofy to be a dark lord like his gimmick suggests. Dig the early double team with Zero and Storm flipping each other onto the Dark Breed. The heat gets worked on Storm, including a bad spot where the ref clearly saw Black get his staff, but goes to stop Zero entering the ring instead, allowing a beatdown on Storm. Black seems to struggle at lifting Storm, always looks a bit shitty. There’s a spot where Black is supposed to hold Storm in a bearhug for an leaping forearm, but he barely gets him off the ground. Ends up with a melee towards the end, and there’s a great nearfall with Black holding a half crab on Zero, and Storm hits a Shining Wizard on him for two. Zero hits a big facebuster on Black for the win, nicely ending their feud. A few bad spots, but this was good on the whole.

Matt Bomboy vs Din Mak

The third show in a row for this pairing, this time with I Quit rules. Don’t think anyone was crying out for this feud to continue, especially as it feels totally isolated from the regular CHIKARA universe. Credit where it’s due, at least Bomboy tries a few submissions throughout, Mak seems to give very little lip-service to the gimmick. Loved Bomboy going to the rope, a la Old School, and clobbering Mak with a clothesline to the back of the head. Mak at one point threatens the Socko Claw, taking out a sock from his trunks. Fucks sake. Bomboy seems really fired up, hitting a side Russian legsweep on the floor, and chaining to an armbar. In contrast, Mak tries a pinfall halfway through the match, showing he’s not really into it. In the end, Mak locks in a Dragon Sleeper with a body scissors for the win. Their best match, but I really don’t need to see this again.

The Wildcards vs The Superfriends (Mike Quackenbush & Chris Hero)

This was a heap of fun, really loved the dynamic between these four guys. The early stages see the more experienced Superfriends schooling both Wildcards on the mat. Loved Hero taunting both Kingston and Marciano, threatening them with cravats. Lovely spot where Quackenbush hits a tilt-a-whirl armdrag to send his partner flying onto Kingston before hitting a senton on Marciano. The Wildcards finally get control following a Quack dive, as they take Hero out on the outside and isolate Quack in the ring. Really effective as, even when Quack gets to the corner for a tag after a double DDT, Hero is still on the floor selling his assault. Hero is great when he finally does get the hot tag, hitting Kingston with a killer forearm to the face and a lovely Saito suplex. Powerbombing Marciano onto Kingston looks great. The Wildcard’s end up winning thanks to Larry Sweeney – he waistlocks Kingston to prevent a Quackenbush top rope rana, and Marciano hits a reverse powerslam for the win. Top stuff here.

Skayde vs Oriental

2/3 falls here, and this is very much worked in exhibition terms. Lots of armdrags, reversals and guys flipping out of holds landing on their feet. None of the falls ever feel built to, with them just coming at regular intervals when a roll up or a submission ends up getting the fall. This means there’s no real tension, but it’s still quite fun to watch guys this smooth working the mat. A few neat spots, loved Oriental rolling through a Northern Lights and chaining to an armbar, but with the falls even, Skayde gets the final fall with a rolling cradle.

Jigsaw vs Larry Sweeney

This is for the Young Lion’s Cup that Sweeney cheated to beat Jigsaw for a few shows earlier, with Jigsaw winning the right to this match in the Cibernetico. Sweeney comes to the ring in a sling, playing off the Sabian no-match from earlier, but then he blindsides Jigsaw to kick off the match. You can really see how much Jigsaw has improved at this point, he comes back with a lovely midring rana and hitting a huge dive to the floor. Loved Sweeney taking over by catching a springboard into a stungun in a really fluid motion. Jigsaw rolls through a backdrop, grabs an ankle and rolls up Sweeney for two. So good. Sweeney doesn’t do anything fancy, but he’s got really nice execution and gives a nice base level for the match. It’s why his DJ Skittlez match was decent, his basic level of competency doesn’t allow the match to get too out of control. Both guys get their finishers kicked out of, the 68 Comeback Special and the Jig’N’Tonic. Really fun spot where Sweeney’s continued cheating backfires on him, as he tries to use brass knucks, misses, but hits a piledriver. However, Bryce Remsberg spots the knuckles and refuses to count. Loved that. Quack comes back out to stop Rorschach interfering, and Jigsaw blocks a superplex to hit a top rope powerbomb for the win. Really dug this.

CHIKARA - The Cibernetico Cometh

Claudio Castagnoli vs American Gigolo

Big fan of Claudio demanding a chair to use as a step for his ring entrance, despite the chair being the exact same height as the ring. This is fought under European Rules, with a round system. Round 1 is pretty even, with both guys doing some nice chain wrestling on the mat. The round ends with Gigolo going to the next door room to get a drink, only returning when on the brink of being counted out in R2. Felt like a comedy bit that the crowd didn’t bite. This round is a bit more heated, with Claudio doing a fun bit of schtick where he kept punching Gigolo whilst holding a headlock and claiming it was a flat palm until ref Bryce Remsburg catches him in the act. He also attacks Gigolo at the end of R2, then continues his assault as Remsburg tells the ring announcer to issue a public warning. Gigolo takes some fun bumps getting whipped to the corner in R3, before Claudio hits an uppercut to the back of the head to get the KO win. This was better than the first Euro Rules match against Sabian, felt like Claudio had already got a better idea of how to work the gimmick

Lance Steel vs Darkness Crabtree

This is actually a continuation of the match from the previous night, a falls-count-anywhere affair that saw both guys leave the venue and not return. They battle back into the ring, and Steel locks on a Boston Crab for the win in an announced 23hours and 36 minutes.

Ravage vs Niles Young

Two CZW trainees. This is one of those basic, competently worked rookie matches between two guys who obviously train together. Ravage is very annoying though, all “quirky” shrieks and whoops. Ravage hits a nice cradle neckbreaker at one point, but this is pretty by the numbers stuff. Young gets the win following an overly complicated facebuster and a Yakuza kick.

The Wildcards vs BLKOUT

There’s a bit of genial clowning to start, but soon Joker and Kingston are viciously exchanging headbutts in the corner. Loved the takeovers Joker hits on Marciano, grabbing him around the neck and flinging him to the mat. Sabian is soon isolated, eating a nice gutwrench from Marciano. The Wildcards work like a classic heel tag team, cutting off the ring, quick tags and keeping Sabian in the corner. Sadly, there isn’t any build to the hot tag, you feel like one or two hope spots could have made the eventual tag a bit more exciting. BLKOUT clear the ring, and Joker backdrops Sabian to the floor onto the Wildcards. There’s a poor looking roll up by Sabian where he looks to be chaining to a submission before his opponent actually kicks out, but he does eat a huge overhead belly to belly by Kingston to the floor, before Eddie gets an O’Connor Roll on Joker for the win. Overall, good stuff.

Skayde vs Oriental

This was ultimately fine, but just felt like an exhibition throughout. It’s 2/3 falls, but barely goes 10 minutes, and at a lot of points it didn’t feel like two guys trying to pick up a victory, no sense that anything was at stake. Oriental hits a nice rolling senton to the floor at one point, but there was no struggle, holds getting escaped from and reversed with no build. It ends up one fall a piece, before Oriental gets the eventual win with a flipping legdrop and a cradle. All the execution was on point, but this is pretty forgettable stuff.

Jigsaw, Mr Zero, Gran Akuma, Icarus, Jolly Roger, DJ Skittlez, Private Eye & Shane Storm vs Larry Sweeney, Rorschach, Mano Metalico, Share Cropper, Ultramantis Black, Spyrazul, Crossbones & Hallowicked

This is a Cibernetico match, elimination rules with only one guy allowed on the apron at a time, with tags having to be made in a batting order. It’s lucha rules, so tags can be made by one guy leaving the ring and his partner replacing him. There can only be one survivor, so team-mates may have to battle each other at the end to be the winner.

This goes long, 76minutes long to be precise, and it’s remarkable to note that it never drags. On paper, a 76 minute match featuring DJ Skittlez and Private Eye sounds disastrous, but it’s very cleverly worked to keep the pace up and keep things fresh. The first fifteen minutes sees different wrestlers pairing up then tagging out, so even limited guys only need to find two minutes of stuff to do. Then, as Larry Sweeney tags out straight away to avoid Jigsaw, we go through the cycle again, only with wrestlers getting paired up with different opposition. The first time, all the wrestlers are testing the water, basic holds and matwork, so by the second go around, all wrestlers up the tempo a bit, leading to DJ Skittlez looking the best he ever has by just getting in, hitting a few big clotheslines then hitting a big dive to end his ring time. Even so, Private Eye looks a bit clumsy and lumbering, but we also get a fun spot when someone pokes him right in his massive eye to temporarily blind him. This also builds the excitement for the Jigsaw/Sweeney showdown, as once Jigsaw is out, he knows he has to let his whole team cycle through until he has another chance to possibly face Sweeney.

The first elimination doesn’t come until the 44^th minute, when Metalico pauses when Shane Storm holds up his “STOP” sign, and Jolly Roger hits a crossbody to pin him. Other fun eliminations sees Private Eye’s mask turned sideways to stop him seeing, allowing Hallowicked to roll him up, whilst Icarus takes a nasty backpack stunner, also by Hallowicked to be eliminated. The only really prolonged heat section is worked on Storm, giving the rudo team a chance to do a number on him. A lot of ref distractions and multi-man assaults. Loved the Yakuza kick delivered by Crossbones to a kneeling Storm. By the end, we’re down to 3-1, a sneaky brass knuck shot by Sweeney eliminating Akuma to leave Jigsaw all alone against Spyrazul, Rorschach and Sweeney. As Sweeney gloats to the crowd, Spyrazul – who had been late arriving and had taking a few brow-beatings from Sweeney – suddenly downs his partner Rorschach and gestures to Jigsaw to pin him, leaving it 2-1. As Sweeney turns around confused, Spyrazul unmasks to reveal himself as Mike Quackenbush, leaving the match and FINALLY giving us the Jigsaw/Sweeney battle the match had been building to. Really nicely worked angle. Sweeney tries to escape, but gets brought back by Jigsaw who hits a shining wizard to finally win the bout. An unexpected, but resolute, success.

CHIKARA '77 (2004)

Darkness Crabtree vs Jolly Roger

Barely 4 minutes long, but still suffers from the usual problems that Crabtree matches always do: that being that the face has to look like an idiot whilst the deliberately slow Crabtree wanders through moves. Roger at least looks smooth in the opening segments and he does get the win with Walk The Plank, but this is skippable.

Crossbones vs Sabian

This is a pretty straightforward match, nothing special, but fine. Sabian has some nice stiffness to his offence, laying in some chops  and kicking Crossbones in the leg when he’s distracted heckling the crowd. Crossbones is a little clumsier, reversing a rana into a slightly awkward STF. Sabian is in control in the closing moments, but Mano Metallico (who is accompanying Crossbones to ringside) punches Sabian over the referees shoulder and Crossbones hits a brutal looking reverse piledriver to win.

Ultramantis Black vs DJ Skittlez

For two guys I’ve not been massively impressed with in the early days of CHIKARA, this was perfectly fine. Ultramantis adds a lot to the match, remaining just the right side of being irritating whilst shrieking and yelling throughout. He sells Skittlez’s chops hilariously. Liked Ultramantis setting up a hanging neck submission with a Rude Awakening. Skittlez still has awkward looking offence, barely reaching Black with a top rope clothesline. A short match ends with Skittlez sitting down on a sunset flip to win. Black’s improvement was starting to show here.

The Wildcards vs Mr Zero & Shane Storm

This is for the IWA: MS tag titles, that the Wildcards don’t seem to have with them despite being the champions. Zero looks in really good shape here, looking tough rather than just portly. Storm is the weak link of the match, attacking the Wildcards almost exclusively with armdrag variations, and he works the majority of the match (albeit as face-in-peril). The Wildcards are amusingly loud here, and I liked them taking control with a blind tag, Kingston kicking Storm in the face as he ducks a Marciano leapfrog. Kingston choking Storm with a towel as he runs the ropes looks nicely violent, almost like he was trying to pull his head off. Zero gets the hot tag, him and Storm nailing a sloppy looking double team cutter, before we get a melee of all four men in the ring. In all this, Storm gets popped with a loaded fist and rolled up with a handful of tights for the win.

Din Mak vs Matt Bomboy

These are two local guys and, whilst they’ve obviously worked together a few times, this was an enjoyable little match. Bomboy is confusing, he seems to be working a faux-MMA gimmick but decides to pop off a springboard armdrag as one of his first moves. Mak is a masked guy, and he’s got a few nice bits. Liked his stiff kick that blasts Bomboy and he hits a big apron legdrop from the top rope. Bomboy also has some stiff offence, but Mak’s comeback is frustrating as it just comes from nowhere. He’s getting beaten up, then decides he wants to go back on offence. Bomboy hits a final cut and pulls the ropes to get the win.

Gran Akuma vs Sharecropper

Sharecropper is pretty decent for a green guy, and he keeps up with Akuma pretty well here. He lays his stuff in nicely, doesn’t look lost at any point and has a nice reversal of a wheelbarrow into a face plant. He also adds nice little touches, like using his hand to cover the mouth of the masked Akuma during a pin attempt. Sharecropper is a tall guy, so it looks even more impressive when Akuma gets him up for a sitout powerbomb. An Akuma spinebuster looks a bit sloppy, before he gets a win with a decent top rope legdrop. This was solid.

Larry Sweeney, Hallowicked & Claudio Castagnoli vs Mike Quackenbush, Icarus & Jigaw

Fun, if inessential, main event. Enjoyed the early feeling out processes, as all six guys do some nice matwork and bits of one-upmanship. Things quicken a bit as the technico team go through a series of quick tags, working over the heel team with some fun double-and-triple teams. The heels bump and stooge about nicely (Sweeney sells an inverted atomic drop by demanding a timeout as Quackenbush has injured “my weenie”), with Hallowicked taking 2-3 nutty bumps in the space of a minute. The heels then isolate first Icarus and then Jigsaw, with a goofy triple team crossface on Icarus standing out. There’s a nice triple dive by the faces, though Hallowicked is horrifically out of place resulting in him awkwardly having to wander into place. Icarus doesn’t fare well on a split legged moonsault, first slipping on the ropes, then hitting it poorly, crashing mainly his legs into his opponent. The end is pretty nice and gives Jigsaw his revenge for the final of the Young Lions cup – Quack and Icarus lock abdominal stretches on Claudio and Hallowicked, allowing Jigsaw to nail the Jig’N’Tonic on Sweeney for the three. Nothing you’ll remember in a week, but an enjoyable way to pass time.

CHIKARA Young Lions Cup II Night 1 2004

Ash vs Shane Storm

This was awful. Everything about it felt disjointed and clumsy, especially in the performance of Storm. He sets a bad tone by going down too early on a neckbreaker and is constantly out of position. Ash tries hard here, liked his running knees to the corner and his trio of sentons, but Storm is so bad. They blow a collision spot, before Storm hits a Shining Wizard to advance. At this point, Storm needed to stick with working guys he’s trained with, as he looked so lost in this one.

Larry Sweeney vs DJ Skittlez

This is probably the best Skittlez match I’ve seen, mainly because it comes across as a Poundland version of a Ric Flair vs Sting match. Sweeney (who was accompanied by 3 unnamed henchmen) controlled the match, with Skittlez making comebacks, and did some fun basic heel shtick – begging off before a poke to the eye, pinfalls with feet on the ropes and distracting the ref to allow his henchmen (who were no Anderson or Blanchard) to beat up Skittlez. Sweeney’s execution isn’t perfect, but he’s a magnetic personality already. To further the Flair/Sting allusion, Skittlez hits a nice Stinger Splash, a decent top rope clothesline, catches Sweeney on the top rope to slam him off and hits an inverted DDT. That has to be deliberate, right? He does botch a spinning slam, but his diving clothesline over the top rope to wipe out Sweeney’s goons looked great. However, a distracted ref allows one of them to come in, nail him with a chokeslam, and Sweeney picks up the victory. This was fine.

Spider vs Gran Akuma

Spider is just a normal looking guy, but he hits a big dive to the floor as Akuma makes his entrance to grab some attention. Quite a decent showcase for Spider here, as he seems happy to commit to taking bumps, both on moves taken and moves given, leaping off the mat as he delivers a swinging neckbreaker. Aside from one awkward flub, he doesn’t botch anything, though he does have a goofy way of selling some early strikes. Akuma looks good too, loved the big spinebuster he hits. There is a lack of transition to offence from both guys though, as if a switch has flicked and it’s the guy in perils time to go on the attack. Akuma finishes it with a slingshot powerbomb and complicated submission, and this was better than I expected.

Arik Cannon vs Jay Lethal

For two more experienced guys, this wasn’t particularly great and had a pretty ugly ending. Not as ugly as Cannon’s ring gear, which is terrible pleather binbag gear. The structure here was pretty weak, with Cannon basically dominating 75% of the match before Lethal just decided to go on offence. Cannon’s stuff looks good though, and there appears to be a focus on Lethal’s back. I mean, Lethal never sells his back as hurting, but Cannon hits a big spinebuster, a knee to the spine and a back-cracker in quick succession, so at least there’s intent. Cannon also drops a vicious knee across Lethal’s throat. Then, after hitting 2 suplexes, a third is blocked and Lethal just takes over. Simple as that. Then, the sudden ending. Cannon runs into a Lethal back elbow, and this seems to knock him spark out. Lethal takes ages to cover him, Bryce Remsburg only counts two, then realises Cannon aint getting up, so counts three.

Mike Quackenbush, Mister Zero & Icarus vs Skayde, Ultramantis Black & Hallowicked

Fun trio match to break up the tournament. This is 2/3 falls, but seeing as how the whole match goes 10 minutes, they could just have made it one fall to a finish. This is as fast-paced and action-packed as you’d expect, with lucha tag rules meaning there’s no resting. Loved the Skayde/Quack section at the start to lead to a sweet Quack dive, and Ultramantis takes the Hamrick bump to a matless floor, which had to hurt. The rudos win the first fall with a Black/Hallowicked slingshot/big boot combo on Icarus. The heat is maintained on Icarus in the second fall, until a fun spot where the rudos keep hitting a triple team move, only to let the technico out and having to repeat the spot on his replacement. This obviously end with Quack being the last technico involved and reversing the move. A trip on Hallowicked is followed by stacking Skayde in a submission on top of him for the equalising fall. The third fall fair breezes by, though Skayde looks pretty sloppy throughout it. He seems to stumble his way through a sequence with Quack, before rolling him in a crucifix to win the match for the rudos.

American Gigolo vs Anton Arakis

No idea who Arakis is, but he doesn’t impress here. He moves really oddly, and his standing moonsault looks naff. In contrast, Gigolo seems to be working hard here, a few stiff strikes and some nifty work on the mat, tangling up Arakis’ legs, help carry the match. He also eats turnbuckle on a missed splash with gusto. Gigolo gets the rope-assisted pin after Arakis misses a top rope legdrop

Eddie Kingston vs Jolly Roger

Probably the best Roger match I’ve seen to date, mainly because Kingston really forces him out of his comfort zone. Kingston is vicious here, chopping nastily in the corner, hitting double-foot stomps and nailing a tough Yakuza kick in the corner. Roger seems to be aware of the risk of being eaten up, so fires back with his own nice blows, and gets great height on his own stomps. A top rope cutter is a bit clumsy still, and Walk The Plank is a move that never looks good, but I liked his big dive to the floor. Still, Kingston rightly wins, kicking ref Bryce Remsburg into the ropes as Roger goes to the top, and nailing a top rope exploder to pick up victory.

Blackjack Marciano vs Jimmy Jacobs

Marciano is so much fun as a stooging heel here, really playing up to the antics of Jacobs (who was in full “Barbaric Berserker” mode here). Loved him heelishly putting Jacobs on the top rope, then doing a muscle pose despite his entirely average body. Marciano initially outwrestles Jacobs, so Jacobs retorts by biting him on the arse. Marciano is a lot of fun in control, posturing and showing off, and I like how Jacobs’ comeback wasn’t just due to his speed, but also because he was striking Marciano pretty stiffly. A big boot to the face looked great. The end sees Jacobs try the Contra Code, but Blackjack stops it and nails a reverse powerslam to win. All good stuff.

Sabian vs Niles Young

These guys both come from the CZW wrestling school, and you can tell by the early going, which is all pretty slick in a “we’ve practised this every week in training” kind of way. Sabian decides to focus on Young’s spine, hitting a dropkick to the back, followed by a rolling senton and a penalty kick all to the spine. I loved Sabian’s smarts when, after getting locked in a half grab, he pulls at Bryce Remsburg to pull himself to the ropes for a break. Sabian hits a dropkick to Young’s face so nasty it earns applause. A back-cracker and a sweet looking straitjacket Camel Clutch give Sabian the win.

Jigsaw vs Rorschach

Big sign of Quack’s faith in Jigsaw, as he gets the main event and against a guy who’s been pretty unimpressive in previous shows. One of the fun things about watching CHIKARA from the start is seeing the guys who evolve quicker than others. At first, these two guys felt very similar, thanks to their near identical look, but before the bell rings, you can see Jigsaw has better poise, a better looking physique and better gear, showing an improvement. Here, he works a pretty decent match and Rorschach has never looked better. This is leagues ahead of the Jolly Roger stinker from a few shows previous. Both guys bump big, Jigsaw eating an overhead suplex to the corner and tumbling to the floor, whilst Rorschach takes a nasty spill to floor from the top. Both guys also take big dives, which were impressive. They even get perfect timing on Jigsaw springboarding into the ring, and into a dropkick from Rorschach. Not everything looks good – we’ll not talk about Jigsaw’s twisting moonsault that barely touches Rorschach – but this was a good main event with a great ending, as Jigsaw hits a middle-rope Jig’N’Tonic to definitively put away Rorschach.

CHIKARA Aniversario 3:Dodging The Sophomore Jinx

Shane Storm vs Rorschach vs Sabian vs Melvin Snodgrass vs DJ Skittlez vs Private Eye vs Hallowicked vs Blind Rage

With the exception of Rage, Sabian and Hallowicked, this is very much the dregs of the 2004 CHIKARA roster, thankfully all dumped into one match so as not to infect the rest of the card. This is a Royal Rumble with 60 second intervals, with the final two facing off later in the night. There’s not much to this, though the good thing about this format is that it means guys like Rorschach stick to chops and punches, which they’re ok at, rather than going through a load of moves they can’t do very well. A lot of the comedy doesn’t work too well here, as the audience has a lot of guy in there to look at, so only a select few actually spot the comedy bits. In a manner typical of crappy indy rumbles, there are no eliminations until everyone gets in, then they all go out really quickly. Hallowicked goes out second, meaning I’m praying Sabian and Rage are the final two. In fact, those two make it to the final 3 with DJ Skittlez, and my heart sinks on realising he’s going to make the final. Seconds later, Sabian is dispatched and I’m left to wonder if Rage is going to be able to carry Skittlez.

Darkness Crabtree vs Jolly Roger

The opening moments of this match are quite auspicious, as Crabtree is sent out and just casually wanders into position for Roger to dive on him. The problem with the Crabtree gimmick is that, because he’s played as a barely mobile senior citizen, it makes the face look inept if they have any struggles with him. Here, we get a proper Crabtree heat section, with Roger having to lie on the mat for ages as Crabtree performs a slow mo people’s elbow. I did enjoy Crabtree’s springboard butt-butt to the floor, and they pay off Crabtree’s crabwalk diving headbutt with Roger reversing a second try into a (admittedly crappy) diving stunner. Roger hits Walk The Plank to win.

Murat Bosporus vs Chris Hero

Having two guys like this in the next match feels like a breath of fresh air. This opens with some really fun counter chain wrestling, both guys looking really comfortable doing it. Bosporus shows surprising agility for a squat, stocky guy, cartwheeling out of wristlocks. Bosporus shows the first signs of frustration, using forearms to the face when he can’t counter out of a wristlock, positioning him as the heel. The next section of the match sees them both finding a body part to work over, Bosporus focusing on Hero’s back with a series of backbreakers and slams, whilst Hero keeps his focus on the left arm. Loved Hero selling his back pain by pausing momentarily before running the ropes, a hesitation that gives Bosporus time to prepare and send him over the top to the floor. I liked Hero climbing to the top rope with Bosporus’ arm and dropping down with a twisting hammerlock, which he also sells as hurting his back. Taking the risk in order to hurt Bosporus more. The end was pretty choice, with Hero hitting Hero’s Welcome, with the left arm trapped in a hammerlock, and chaining to the Hangman’s Clutch to win. This was real good.

DJ Skittlez vs Blind Rage

So could Rage carry Skittlez to something watchable? Against all odds, the answer is yes. The trick seems to have been to just keep it simple. At first Rage is on the defensive, taking some big bumps to make Skittlez offence look good. The height Rage gets from a backbodydrop is impressive to behold. Rage manages to hit a dragon screw from nowhere, and from there he focuses his attention to Skittlez’s leg. Rage works it over in an entertaining manner, including a nice low dropkick that sends Skittlez faceplanting onto the mat. Skittlez doesn’t blow any moves on his comeback either, with a spinning slam looking good. At one point, he goes for the Rainbow Bomb from the top, and I thought they’d blown it as it looked more like Rage had given him a bulldog – only to realise that he HAD given Skittlez a bulldog, and it was actually a nice reversal. Rage locks in the STF and gets the win. Perfectly fine match. Post match, Rage cuts a promo to announce his retirement.

Hallowicked & Ultramantis Black vs Mr Zero & Shane Storm

Have to give props to the surprisingly fluid faux-lucha sequence at the start with Black and Storm, looked really good. Zero is fired up to take on his former partner Black, who decides to hide away from tagging in. Given this story, it’s therefore a bit odd when they throw in a bit of awkward comedy (Storm holding up his stop sign to freeze the heels in place) to undermine it. The heels work the heat on Storm, showing some nice teamwork. Zero gets the hot tag, finally getting his hands on Black, but his offence feels a bit lacking, doesn’t seem to be as fired up as you would assume. They start brawling in the crowd and into the toilets, and it all becomes a bit of a mess. Things just break down and don’t look very good. There’s a really nice spot where Zero hits a sitout facebuster onto Storm’s sign (taken with gusto by Ultramantis) that feels like it should finish, but Hallowicked saves. Hallowicked hits a Yakuza kick on Storm to win. Underwhelming match, feels like they could all do better.

Mike Quackenbush, Icarus & Gran Akuma vs Jigsaw & the Wildcards

So, the stipulations for this dictate that whoever eats the pin or submits is punished. For the faces, Quack loses his 6 titles to whomever pins him, Icarus shaves his head and Akuma loses his mask. For the heels, Jigsaw loses his mask and both Wildcards will get their heads shaved. On top of this, if the heels lose, CHIKARA commissioner Cavalier Jones is fired from the company. This is also fought under lucha rules. Got all that? Cool

This goes nearly 40 minutes, and I will say it kept my attention for the entire run. I did have some issues with the match structure, but the action was crisp throughout and everything looked good. I loved Quack throughout this, he’s really a joy to watch in CHIKARA and here he showed a more vicious side than usual – at one point he blasts Blackjack Marciano flush in the face with a kick whilst BJM is in a Camel Clutch. Eddie Kingston is also terrific here – he’s a shit-talking, stooging heel who can turn it on offensively and the switch doesn’t look awkward. At one point here he’s blitzing Akuma with crossfaces, ripping at his mask and lacing in penalty kicks to the back. I think everyone here looked good, but there were issues with the match. Firstly, for an important match with so much at stake, there were still a few too many cutesy comedy bits, like a 6 way headlock or a sequence where the heels end up being dropped into each other’s balls and sitting on each other’s faces. Secondly, and more distractingly, the faces dominate the vast majority of the bout, to the point it just feels inevitable that they’ll win. For ages, the heels are bumbling around, unable to gain any traction whilst the faces outsmart them and make them look like idiots. Marciano suffers to most indignity, as his moves are easily reversed, he eats several low blows and loudly yelps like a buffoon as he gets schooled again and again. When the heels finally get to work a short heat section, it’s wisely on Akuma, a man who has been demasked in previous shows and therefore is the most likely to lose on his team. Things predictably breakdown towards the end, with a few nice little story touches. Most interestingly, the Wildcards fall out with Jigsaw after preventing him pinning Quack after a Jig N Tonic, presumably because they want to win Quacks titles. This leads to Jigsaw walking out, and in the end this costs the Wildcards. Akuma reverse Kingston’s Kondo Clutch to one of his own, Icarus spears BJM from the ring and, with no partner left, Kingston is forced to submit. For all my complaints, this is a fitting pay off for the Wildcards reign of terror and the head shaving is a really fun moment.