Valkyrie: V - Valhalla

One of the few "problems" with the explosion of footage becoming available in the last few years is that I find it remarkably easy to end up with more wrestling than I can watch. For example, this show, which I paid actual money for three years ago, then left it sat on my hard drive unwatched. Decided maybe it was time to give it a go.

Sumie Sakai vs Lexia Avery

Fair opener. Avery has a considerable size advantage over Sukai, but seems afraid to really commit, both with her weak strikes and with some of her bumping. Sakai is experienced enough to compensate for this, and adds some nice little touches to the match. Loved her going for a Boston Crab by holding Avery’s legs, letting the ref count a pin and Avery to lift her shoulder, then going with that movement to turn the larger opponent over. I’ll give Avery credit, her good moves look impressive, with a nice side slam and a meaty looking kerb stomp, and I dug her viciously kicking the rope as Sakai lies over it. Sumie has move painful looking chops, almost like she’s trying to convince Avery to lay them in more. The end sees Avery try an Air Raid Crash, but Sakai rolls through and locks a tight cradle to win.

Nina Monet vs Davienne

Good early impressions, as Monet really locks in her headlocks tightly. Davienne takes control with an awkward looking shoulderblock (how awkward? I didn’t realise what had happened until the commentator decided that was what had happened), but makes up for it with a decent stomachbreaker. Monet has a nasty streak, locking Davienne in a submission and kicking her in the back of the head. Short match sees Lexia Avery interfere and distract Davienne, allowing Monet to hit a side Russian legsweep and a leaping DDT to win.

Nikki Addams & Dickie Rodz vs Nyla the Destroyer & Aja Perera

Intergender match here, as Addams and Rodz challenge the massive Nyla to a 2-on-1 match, only for Perera to come out to even the sides. Rodz being the only male doesn’t unbalance the teams as he’s pretty much portrayed as a goof and he’s not much bigger than Nyla. Because the match is basically building up to Nyla getting in the ring, we get heat worked on Perera pretty much from the get go. Perera gets a few moments, hitting a boot as Addams tries a top rope nothing from the top rope. Addams hits a lovely top rope Eat Defeat as compensation. The build up to the hot tag leads to a few awkward moments like Perera getting a chance to tag, going to her corner, then deciding to go back on offence again. Nyla does eventually get in, blitzing Rodz with clotheslines, then planting him with a powerbomb from the corner for the win.

La Rosa Negra vs Hania the Howling Huntress

Two out of three fall match here, and it felt like two decent-good wrestlers being hamstrung by overbooking. The work both do looks really good. Negra in particular impresses, seems to have good instincts. For example, at one point she goes for the three amigos, but she adds a punch to the stomach between suplexes to keep Hania weak. Hania hits a few nice combos, lovely legsweep into a low dropkick, and she gets great height on a flip senton. Negra sells really nicely too, flying like a ragdoll on Hania’s offence, and getting into the right position to take offence in a natural manner. The problem comes with the booking, which sees Negra’s entourage interfering in clumsy ways. She’s joined by JGeorge and a towering lady called Natalie, and they seem to fail to understand that you want to interfere behind the refs back. At one point, Natalie gets on the apron and kicks Hania in full view of the ref, who has to awkwardly turn away and pretend he didn’t just see it. Even the commentator has to clumsily explain it as the ref somehow not spotting it. Later, Natalie just gets in the ring, runs the ropes in a manner the referee couldn’t miss, then tries a suicide dive that spectacularly misses both JGeorge and Hania. You know the booking is failing when the crowd are chanting “This ref sucks” instead of the heat going to the heels. In the end, with each wrestler having a fall apiece, JGeorge gets in, accidentally hits Negra with a superkick and Hania hits a leaping reverse DDT for the win. Good wrestling in a poor match.

Ashley America vs Little Jeanne

Curious to see WCW alum Jeanne appear on this show. Cagematch tells me she didn’t wrestle for 6 years, then came back to wrestle on this card. Very quick stuff here, America (who is the heel, which you wouldn’t guess from her name) jumps Jeanne before the bell, but is unable to maintain any control. Jeanne hits a nice clothesline, works a bodyscissors nicely, whilst America only gets in a few basic moves. Ashley tries a deathlock, but Jeanne elbows free and hits a second-rope suplex to win. This was fine.

Kacee Carlisle vs Jessie Brooks

This is for Carlisle’s Queen of Valkyrie title. Really liked the presentation here, as they managed to make a match between two ladies I don’t know into a real big match atmosphere. Julius Smokes is accompanying Brooks, and his rapidfire motormouth persona contrasts nicely with her stoic silence, making her look like a badass. This is turn carries over to Carlisle, because her refusal to back down, getting in Brooks’ face mean that she too comes across as a tough lady. The match? Really good, neither seem afraid to lay in the shots, as they exchange blows with an audible thud. Brooks hits a series of lovely running forearms in the corner. Nice submissions interspersed too, loved the Camel Clutch that Brooks locks in, really nasty angle and she holds a tight chinlock at the time too. Neither lets up the intensity either, and I liked Carlisle resorting to an eyepoke just to get a moment of control. The end is the only disappointment. Brooks climbs to the second rope to hit vicious knees to the back of Carlisle’s head (which looks great), sending Kacee into a tree of woe on the outside of the ring. Brooks lays in some shots, only for Carlisle to just hit a double-arm DDT, draped from the top rope, to win. Just felt like it came from nowhere. Overall, a good match.

Fred Yehi vs Dickie Rodz

Well, this was odd. A match not advertised that seems to being fought after the show with no audience (bar a load of wrestlers surrounding the ring like lumberjacks), with no commentary and you can even see the ring announcer in the background putting his coat on and heading off for the night. So, this seems to be a practise match, but it’s still fought with some intensity. Rodz comes off far better here, and Yehi looks terrific. They work a decent mat section before turning the heat up. Loved the headbutts that Yehi hits. Rodz hits a nice back suplex, but Yehi starts bridging out of pins and breaks a second back suplex with a big elbow to the head. Yehi gets the win with a sudden exploder, a running flatliner and the Koji Clutch for the victory. Nice little curio here.

I-Generation Wrestling: Rodman Down Under

This is a one-off PPV filmed in Australia in the year 2000, headlined by Curt Hennig and basketball player Dennis Rodman. This used to be shown on the Wrestling Channel in the UK on a semi-regular basis 8 years ago, so I've got fond memories of it, despite a lot of it being terrible. The version I'm reviewing is sadly the German commentary version available on YouTube, so I'm not totally clear on the rules in all the matches.

The Public Enemy vs the Legion of Doom

This is for the tag titles held by the PE, and is a double-elimination table match. Rocco Rock looks to be in decent shape, which puts him ahead of the other competitors in the bout. He takes a nice 360 clotheslines bump early as if to highlight this point. In contrast, Hawk hits a diving shoulderblock which sees him barely leave the mat. The key issue with this match is that everyone seems to move in a hesitant slow motion, making everything seem tentative and fake. Guys seem to be bumping gingerly. I know you aren’t supposed to get hurt on bumps, but the audience is at least supposed to believe you are. The Enemy work heat on Animal, before isolating Hawk off the hot tag. Rock hits a nice flip dive through a table to eliminate Hawk, but an attempt on Animal sees him move, causing Rock to take a nasty landing. Back in the ring, an awkward series of events sees Animal “spear” both members of the PE through a table in the corner (with Grunge tottering backwards embarrassingly) to win the match. Rock looked decent here, the rest were clumsy and inept at best.

Brute Force vs the Barbarian

This is a hardcore match. Brute Force is Brutus Beefcake under a non-copyrighted name. Brutus attacks Barbarian from the bell with a bin and attempts to choke him out with a broom, but a low blow turns the tide in Barbarian’s favour. Barbarian isn’t afraid to lace in the chops in the corner. They brawl outside the ring, culminating in a clumsy spot when Barb seems to give Brutus an atomic drop using the guard rail. That’d be a great spot if it was intentional, but it doesn’t feel like that’s the case. Really, this match is just two guys hitting each other with weapons, with control alternating back and forth at random. Still, fair play to Brutus who really does his part in keeping the crowd into the match, really works the audience. Beefcake gets a series of 2 counts, first off a terrible looking stunner, then off a DDT and a piledriver. I suspect the English commentary would attribute this to the Barbarian’s “hard head”. Beefcake tries a bin shot from the top rope, but as he leaps, Barb boots the bin lid into his face for the three count. Not a great match.

Sweet Destiny vs Brandi Wine

Destiny is accompanied by Australian boxer Joe Bugner, whilst Wine has a short-haired Typhoon, going under the name Sugar Daddy. Destiny is (slightly) better known as Little Jeanne of “feuding with Molly Holly on WCW Saturday Night in 99/2000” fame. She was always a decent worker in those matches, and this is the best match of the night so far. It’s not always pretty – Destiny kinda only glances Brandi with a top rope crossbody – but both girls work hard and take some nice looking bumps. Destiny takes the best looking bump, landing in the railings with some real oomph. Wine hits a poor looking powerbomb, but Destiny’s handspring rana is pretty choice. We get the inevitable face-off between Bugner and Typhoon in the ring, ending with Bugner nailing a straight punch to the face, before Destiny hits a top rope superplex to win. Good enough.

One Man Gang vs Tatanka

Tatanka is defending the “International title” here. This match is strange, in that there’s nothing technically wrong with it, but it’s a deeply uninteresting match. Which is odd, as I really like both guys. OMG in particular works hard to make this good, jawing with the crowd and drawing great heat, causing a deluge of rubbish to be hurled into the ring at one point. Heck, he even takes a big bump by getting slammed off the top rope, which I didn’t expect from year 2000 One Man Gang. For his part, Tatanka throws some nice chops and sells OMG’s offence well, but this match just drags on. It’s almost 20 minutes, which is an insane length for OMG in 2000. If this had been condensed down by even 5 minutes, this could have been really fun. As it is, we sit through a slow match to get a bullshit ending. Tatanka gets a visual pin on Gang following a top rope chop, but the ref has already been bumped. As Tatanka checks on him, Gang pulls out some brass knucks (making sure to raise them high for all the crowd to see, nice touch) and punches him out to win the title.

Curt Hennig vs Dennis Rodman

Hennig is working face here, defending the I Generation world title in a street fight. Rodman doesn’t get much offence in here, believably, but he does win me over with his effort. Rodman cheap shots Hennig from behind to start, and busts him open with the belt, which is a realistic way for a non-wrestler to take over on someone like Hennig. This doesn’t last long, before Hennig is in control and works him over outside. Rodman takes an impressive bump, getting hurled over the Australian announce table, before Henning drives him through it face-first. Back in the ring, Henning stomps on Rodman’s cock, before locking in a camel clutch (only actual wrestling hold of the match) and laying in some big chops in the corner. Rodman strangely escapes from the corner by giving the ref a headbutt, and after another tussle with Hennig, throws the recovered ref from the ring. This prompts a bullshit DQ finish in the street fight main event of a one-off PPV, but I guess both guys were supposed to be protected by it. Not a great match, but strangely entertaining up to that point, despite it being worked as an extended squash for Hennig. Probably still match of the night.

WEW Celebrity Ho Down

When I signed up for my Lovefilm account, the first thing I did was blindly add as much wrestling as possible onto my rental list. In the past this has served me well - I really enjoyed the TNA World X-Cup 2008, for example, and the Jeff Jarrett - King of the Mountain set was great too. With this DVD, however, I really regret not vetting my choices a bit more thoroughly. WEW (Women's Erotic Wrestling) was a promotion which offered female wrestling mixed with softcore pornography. Indeed, inbetween matches on this disk we get non-wrestling related footage of some ladies undressing in hotel rooms to Aksana-esque porno sax music. I like to think I'm open minded enough to give any wrestling a fair go, so I decided to see what this show would be like (Spoiler - it's the worst show I've reviewed in the history of this blog)

Amy Lee vs Nav-A-Ho vs GI Ho
Yes, that is two wrestlers with the word "Ho" in their name. Then-CZW commentator Eric Garguilo is the commentator here, so at least the commentary will be bearable. There are two referees for this match, one of whom is a Stevie Wonder impersonator. GI Ho is defending her WEW Hardcore title here. Unbelievably, we clip right to the end of the match, where Nav-A-Ho is down on the mat and GI nails Lee with a guitar (that spews white powder everywhere, oddly enough) and wins. Even more stupidly, Garguilo on commentary mentions the match was only a minute long, so why bother cutting it?

April Hunter vs Cle-Ho-Patra
I bet the bookers of this fed never got tired of using "Ho" gags. Cleo is the future Shelley Martinez, not someone known for great matches. If she loses this match, she's out of WEW, so I wouldn't blame her for throwing the bout. Hunter is much bigger than Cleo, so she dominates most of the match. I did like Cleo selling a Hunter choke against the ropes by lifting her feet off the mat to show Hunter's strength. That's the one positive in this match, as Hunter follows it with an appalling attempt at the backstabber. Hunter gently prods Cleo with her foot in lieu of kicking her, though a camel clutch does look like it's breaking Cleo in two. We get more shitty offence, including a full-nelson slam where Cleo never leaves her feet, and a Cleo facebuster so shoddily done that Garguilo (and myself) thought it was a Hunter spinebuster until the wrong person started to sell. Thankfully, it soons ends as Cleo taps out to a half crab.

Valerie Elizabeth Wyndham vs Francine
Wyndham is better known as SoCal Val. This is a "fetish kiss my foot match", with the winner becoming the general manager of WEW. Garguilo mentions that neither lady has washed their feet for weeks, so I sorta liked the minor psychology of Francine choking Val with her foot in the corner. Francine is being helped at ringside by ODB and Julius Smokes (doing a Rock rip-off as the Smoke), so the odds get evened by the arrival of the PWO to ringside. PWO stands for Pussy World Order, because sometimes life is awful. Val locks in a poor camel clutch, which looks even worse after the really good one in the Hunter/Cleo match. Val hits a stunner, but the Smoke distracts the ref so there is no count. The PWO do nothing. Val gestures for a moonsault, but ODB knocks her from the top into a tree of woe, and holds a chair for a Francine Van Terminator. The PWO do nothing. Francine hits a wedgie DDT (kill me) and gets the win. The PWO do absolutely nothing. This was shit.

The FBI vs Team Blondage
Here, the FBI stands for Full Breasted Italians, and consists of Angel Orsini (the former Prodigette) and Jeanne Durso, who I thought was pretty good in her matches against Mona in WCW. Team Blondage consist of Amber O'Neill and Krissy Vaine. This is also by some way the best match on the DVD. Not that it's particularly good, but because it manages to resist being totally awful. They keep things pretty basic and straightforward, running a formula tag match with Blondage working over Durso. Some of the double-teaming by Team Blondage was decent AND in keeping with their vain airhead characters. It's not great, as a really awkward false tag sequence sees no-one quite sure whether Orsini is supposed to be in the ring or not, but Durso's springboard flying forearm is one of the best looking moves on the whole show. But then the ending comes and ruins everything. In theory, the FBI go for mounted punches in the corner, but get pushed off and pinned by Blondage, using the ropes for leverage. However, actually what happens is that Durso is pushed down first, her Blondage member pins her with feet on the rope and the ref just stares at them until the other two repeat the move in the opposite corner. The ref CLEARLY sees both Blondage members cheating, but still counts anyway. It's so badly done that poor Eric Garguilo has to manufacture a story about Francine paying off the ref.

Hell's Belles vs Benji & the Smoke
Main event time! Hell's Belles are Annie Social and Jane Hardcore, whilst Benji is some portly guy. Yep, men against women for the main event. This is a total squash, as Hell's Belles dominate from start to finish. Smoke at least looks like he knows what he's doing, though he does have to sell like a zombie in between each move. Benji has no fucking clue what he's doing and clearly has no place in a wrestling ring. Both Socal and Hardcore nail Smoke with split-legged stunners (because I suspect Benji wouldn't know how to sell one) and both apply testicular claws to their opponents for the submission victory. Beyond awful